‘It felt so real, my and Becca’s friendship,’ Katherine murmurs. ‘I thought we were destined for each other. How crazy is that?’ She feels exposed suddenly, sat tall on the hard-backed chair, so she slides off it and onto the floor. Belatedly she worries that Ellie might think her flabby body will contaminate the carpet, but, to her relief, Ellie doesn’t react to her change of position. Katherine shuffles backwards until her spine connects with the wall beside the doorway, and then she pushes hard against it. ‘I suppose you think I’m insane too?’

‘We’re all insane, aren’t we?’ Ellie counters. ‘That’s why we’re here.’

‘Not you; not really. You’re just grieving for your brother. It makes sense that you need a bit of support. Whereas me, there’s no excuse. Everything I’ve done, Becca’s injuries and my own, it’s all my fault.’ Katherine tries to laugh, but it sounds more like a bark followed by silence.

‘You took a risk. Yes, it went wrong, but you were still brave to try.’

‘Why are you being so nice to me? Do you even like me?’ Katherine holds her breath. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t push it, but here she is, doing it again.

‘Of course I like you,’ Ellie says, smiling. ‘We’re friends, aren’t we?’

‘Actual friends?’ Katherine whispers, still struggling to believe it.

Ellie’s expression shifts to serious. She leans forward and rests her elbows on her out-turned knees. ‘Listen, I know that you think you’re worthless, that your shape is too big, and your skin too damaged, and so how could anyone possibly like you.’

‘Yes,’ Katherine whispers. ‘Exactly.’

Ellie shakes her head. ‘But being a good friend isn’t about how beautiful you are.’

Katherine stares, wide-eyed, transfixed.

‘It’s about loyalty, being there for each other, forgiveness for past mistakes.’

‘I’ll always be there for you,’ Katherine whispers.

‘I know you will. And that’s what makes you the best friend I’ve ever had.’

December 2021

December 2021

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Kat

Kat draws her knees up to her chest and pushes her back against the wall. She used to do this as a child, push as hard as could in the vain hope that she would disappear into the plasterboard. Become part of something there but unseen. It was a ridiculous hope, with the bulk of her then as well as now, but she feels the compulsion all over again.

Because the vision of Beth fainting, dropping with a thud onto her polished wooden floor, is on replay in her mind. Reminding her of when Becca collapsed, and everything that came after.