until I looked up and I saw Lenny standing over me

and he was saying it was time to go

time to go where I said

and he didn’t say nothing

he just lifted me up off the bed like I was a child and set my two feet on the floor

and walked me to the door and up the sideway to the front gate

it was dark by then and there was a man standing out on the footpath waiting

he put out his hand and I took hold of it

but I couldn’t seem to grip nothing

and I said time to go where

then I can’t remember nothing else

except I was on my knees in some room I didn’t know

and I was throwing up into a plastic bucket

my hair was all hanging down in the sick and I stank

I stank

/

I came to in the ward

I was in a bed with clean white sheets and the curtain drawn around me

and I was crying

I don’t know why

and it was like the first time I’d ever cried in my life

Eight

EIGHT

CHRISTIE on vacant ground

Black hollows

Sewer stink

Rustle of weeds

Mama died while I was in the madhouse

someone found her in her room on the floor beside her bed

and there was ants crawling on her

she must have been there a while

Lenny saw to it she had a decent burial

which meant the hole was deep enough and there was something to mark the spot she’s with her Jesus now

I hope he appreciates the effort she made to believe in him

/

I tried to pray to Jesus once or twice

but I was just talking to myself

that’s how you drive yourself mad I said

is it I said

yes it is I said

then I won’t pray no more I said

good for you I said

and that was the end of it

/

of course they don’t call it a madhouse

they called it a hospital

but I was still locked up

way back when even if you was mad they never locked you up

you were allowed to wander about

you were a sort of amusement

I suppose that’s what I am now to some people

but I’m not mad

I’ve thought I was once or twice

but I’ve always been lucky enough to come across someone worse off than me

there’s a great comfort in that

it’s a real pick-me-up when you come across some poor bastard worse off than yourself

but they’re few and far between as far as I’m concerned

of course you can still find them

living in a drain or under a fucking rock somewhere

no I’ve never been mad

but I’ve had terrible storms in my head