“Yeah, no, I—whatever. I’m kind of out of it. I was out late with the cousins last night. Charles bought me some vodka shots. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Okay?”

“I should go. I’ll be home for New Year’s. Or you can call me tomorrow, if you want.”

“I—okay. Sorry for waking you up.”

Bea shrugs. She waves, blows Lulu a kiss, and presses END on the call.

Lulu stares at the black of her screen and feels like fucking shit.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

THE FIRST THING Lulu sees on her phone in the morning is a Flash message from Kiley that just says sorry.

She’s feeling mean enough that she writes back for what. Then she drifts off to sleep again.

The next time she looks at her phone, Kiley has sent her a picture of herself with the text I am sorry, Lulu written underneath it.

Lulu’s first instinct is to roll her eyes. Why does Kiley think a selfie, of all things, is the right thing to do right now?

But she presses her thumb to the screen to stay the image anyway. Kiley clearly isn’t all the way up yet; she’s not even wearing her usual no-makeup makeup. She’s just . . . there. Looking at Lulu. Letting Lulu look back.

Another message comes in. you’ve been nothing but decent to me. you didn’t deserve it.

Has she been decent? Lulu knows she hasn’t been cruel to Kiley—not outwardly, anyway. But she hasn’t liked her. Hasn’t made space for her. Hasn’t been nice to her either.

Now she has an excuse to be horrible if she feels like it. She could talk shit about Kiley forever and Kiley would probably just take it. She would keep saying I’m sorry over and over again.

Lulu probes at the edges of her own feelings, delicate. She’s expecting to find anger, hot and fierce. Instead she finds blankness. She feels tender and tired. Lulu made the video. She posted it. Other people decided to make sure it would stay posted. It’s not like Kiley told anyone a well-kept secret. She just pointed Cass toward something she was always going to end up seeing, one way or the other.

I don’t know how I feel, Lulu sends.

Fair enough, Kiley says. I just wanted you to know.

Why did you do it? Lulu asks.

A long silence. Lulu gets up, brushes her teeth, washes her face, and gets back in bed with her laptop. Today seems like a Netflix-binge-type day.

Kiley messages her back just as Lulu is pressing SKIP on the title sequence of Friends. I hate seeing you and Owen together sometimes, she says. You look like you belong together. I was drunk. I shouldn’t have.

She asks, do you ever just feel mean?