BooksBarbecue
Back Look Save as PDF
Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. CHAPTER ONE
  5. CHAPTER TWO
  6. CHAPTER THREE
  7. CHAPTER FOUR
  8. CHAPTER FIVE
  9. CHAPTER SIX
  10. CHAPTER SEVEN
  11. CHAPTER EIGHT
  12. CHAPTER NINE
  13. CHAPTER TEN
  14. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  15. CHAPTER TWELVE
  16. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  17. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  19. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  21. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  22. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  23. CHAPTER TWENTY
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  33. CHAPTER THIRTY
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  43. CHAPTER FORTY
  44. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  53. CHAPTER FIFTY
  54. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  55. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  56. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  57. What’s next onyour reading list?

This hour used to be her favorite part of the night. It was the part that made her feel sure of herself—that she was wanted, that she was okay, that she still knew how to say and not say the passwords that guarded all the doors of her life. Now Bea won’t quite look at her and no one wants to talk to her and any minute now, Owen and Kiley are going to walk in, fresh from the dinner they had before coming over, and Lulu’s not entirely sure she’ll be able to stop herself from crying.

Jules slides off the couch so that he’s sitting on the floor too. “Emily,” he says. “You go to Beverly, right?”

“Yeah,” Emily says. “A real-life public school girl. Have you ever met one before?”

Jules grins. Lulu can tell that he thinks he looks charming. “No,” he says. “Is it dangerous? Are there gangs?”

Emily laughs. “Persian mafia, maybe,” she says.

“I bet you can take ’em. You look tough.”

Emily makes a fist and flexes a skinny biceps. Jules reaches out to touch it, and she lets him, flexing even harder before dissolving into giggles under his touch.

That’s how it starts. Lulu knows this dance down to her bones: You sit still, and see who’s looking at you. If you like it—the way he looks, and the way he looks at you—you make yourself available to be touched, which involves a certain amount of holding still too.

Boys think they’re predators. They think they make the moves and the plans. They have no idea how much patience it takes to communicate to them: Hey, it’s safe. Hey, come over here. You hold still and you let them approach, and you smile when they hold out a hand for you to sniff at. Lick it delicately, maybe; touch your tongue, and let him know you aren’t opposed to the taste. Let him touch your arm, and then your back. Hold still while he works up the nerve to come in close, to find out where your teeth are. Wait, and wait, and wait, and then give in.

Lulu has a Solo cup with rum and Coke in it. It’s too sweet, but that’s what there is to drink. She sits still and watches Bea and Rich, and Patrick and Taylor, and Jules and Emily. Jason glances at her and glances away. She doesn’t know if he isn’t interested, or if he doesn’t even think he could be. She’s an older girl. That’s not how it happens.

Lulu holds still out of habit, even though no one is looking at her.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN