12–2:30PM: extreme tiredness. tried to screenshot the reflection of my face in computer and was shocked a little, to not see myself in the screenshot, like that meant i’m dead maybe. remembered things about ‘real life.’

2:30PM: overcome with foreign urge to masturbate. remember sam cooke requesting me to write something about masturbating, was aware of like, ‘how will i remember this’ as i was looking for things to masturbate to, which maybe effected the length of time i felt it took to find something ‘good.’ i was also extremely tired. think i fell asleep with eyes open and woke twice via hypnic jerk. didn’t feel aroused when masturbating, except when i was about to orgasm, then i’d be like ‘what the fuck, my body could do this all along?’ masturbated a few times in a row with varied frequencies between the orgasms, to like, test if i had been able to do it all along. i could do it all along.

3:30PM: saw images of things i masturbated to when i closed eyes. a lot of cunnilingus happening behind my eyes. felt annoyed by them, like they were pop-up ads of porn and i wanted to swat them away so i could sleep. set alarm for 4:04PM.

6:17PM: gian was wearing a white robe and speaking at a college graduation. he was also the…like…what do you call the smartest person in the class? they’re famous, kind of? for like…their grades are so good…anyway. the college graduation was at a coliseum. i was the only non-college person there, not wearing a robe. gian gave his speech (which wasn’t too long, it was really good, there were going to be like, headlines about it like the DFW speech [was going to write ‘when DFW graduated college’ as if that’s when he…just laughed and a snot flew out…still waking, jesus]).

here is the thing.

everyone cheered gian and i watched him walk out of the coliseum with his arms up in the air. he was walking towards me. he was wearing sunglasses. HERE IS THE THING:

as he’s walking out, an announcement comes onscreen. the announcement was funded by will smith’s family. it showed family video images of will smith’s kids, will smith as a kid, his entire family as children, and there was a voiceover that said something to the extent of ‘while gian’s speech was great, we have come to an agreement that he did not include children enough. we want to say these things about children to our graduates: watch three minutes of any ‘twilight’ movie every day, if you can’t read ‘JIF’ on your peanut butter you need a new blender’ [everyone laughs], [several things i don’t remember].’