7:10AM: decided to take advantage of free continental breakfast. overnight check-in friend said ‘oh, you’re up.’ i said something politely meaningless, smiling. another girl was at the desk too. walked to ‘the breakfast room,’ where many people were seated, mostly alone. two TVs were on. two teenage-looking girls holding styrofoam containers circled the belgian waffle station, taking turns talking in a kind of call-and-response conversation led by neither about whether their pizza and chicken wings ‘would be enough,’ to eat. seemed like they’d never decide. walked to the carb-toasting station and stood beside an old man in a tank top with big lips and a ‘fishy face,’ who seemed to be waiting for something in the toaster, built to toast four things at once. i asked where the knives were and he silently handed me his knife, gave me a chivalrous nod, and looked away. cut semi-pre-cut bagel in half using plastic knife and placed it in toaster. looked around the room a lot. didn’t know where to look. everyone seemed to be furtively redirecting their gazes to an arbitrarily wide variety of points at intervals suggesting a collective heightened yet noncommittal awareness of fulfilling their roles in a situation they’d regrettably involved themselves. wondered how long i’d have to wait for my bagel to toast. the fishy-looking older man was turned away from me, looking at the TV. thought ‘lucky him, he has the TV to look at, but if i try to look at the TV he’s in the way and he might ‘feel my eyeballs’ looking at him and think i’m staring at him.’ found the area where plastic cutlery was stored. brought the fishy man a knife and he said ‘thank you’ and resumed looking at the TV. filled a styrofoam cup with hot water and a chamomile tea bag to bide time. people seemed to be ‘watching me,’ i thought, because of my outfit (platform wedge sandals and ‘old lady’ polo shirt and pink shorts). returned to toasting station. bagel still not toasted. got a banana from the other room, closer to the check-in desk, to bide time. when i returned to the toasting station my bagel was done but the fishy man’s muffin still wasn’t toasted. said a few words with him about the toaster seeming broken. i said ‘you should try my side, i think your side is broken.’ he nodded slowly, almost graciously. i liked him. thought he was probably a trucker. i said ‘have a good morning.’ he said ‘you too darlin” or ‘you too, sweetie.’ was surprised at whatever term of endearment he used, and felt warm about him and our quietness. took two things of philadelphia cream cheese and walked back to room.

ate bagel while watching ‘the office.’ knew i’d feel sad when the bagel was over.