12:54AM: used old towel to blot vinegar/peroxide/bronner’s/baking soda ‘peeodorizer’ on bed. now i just have to wait for it to dry. staying up all night, i think, to work on this and maybe (let’s not kid ourselves: ‘definitely not,’ but cute idea, boyle, nice try with that ‘maybe,’) other things.

taped rainbow lights under kitchen counter. now kitchen look like a ‘hot spot’ in one of those ‘not for tourists’ guides. zagat-rated for sure. zagat kitchen. the zagat kitchen: simply unforgettable, rainbow lights will blow you away.

still probably have a suspended license, 12 unpaid parking tickets, countless un-responded-to emails and texts, a more countable number of late packages to mail, no direction in life, no motivation to write things other than this, nothing to offer as a friend or romantic partner, mattress full of cat pee. two parents who seem to like me a lot, though. also i have rainbow lights, let us not forget the rainbow lights, an integral facet of this up and coming hot spot.

remember sometime around when i moved in, after i got the bed, saying something to mom like ‘it feels good to have a bed now. it really makes a difference: stepping out of a bed. i feel like i live in an apartment of a person who has their shit together. someone who has their shit together would live in a place that looks like this.’

2:54AM: at 8PM i’m answering questions from the @altcitizen twitter account re my interview they posted today (that i did in april sometime) and anything else people want to ask. someone on twitter asked me what my room looked like. just took pictures of apartment, going to make a little flickr album…i don’t know, i’m aware that by doing this i’m ‘wasting time’ but i still want to do it and what ‘time’ am i ‘wasting’ anyway. my life is a giant accumulation of time-wasting events. the wasting cancels itself out, since it would be the same thing if it wasn’t ‘wasted,’ like how it’s the same thing if you followed everyone on twitter or no one. ate 30mg adderall before juliet’s email but only feel mild effects. thought my two days off would’ve done something.

3:04AM: eating 60mg vyvanse to ‘test’ tolerance, to see if it’s just adder-all-related. going to want more adderall before the twitter question-answering. i can’t find brandon gorrell’s response to my ‘considering soliciting brandon scott gorrell for advice about getting out of depression’ thing. it was on the muumuu house tumblr, which is now deleted, due to tao’s ‘alien possession while on mushrooms’ the other night. remember reading and thinking ‘i think i understand, wish he used specific examples from his life.’