as i was writing that it seemed ‘highly avoidable’

okay signing off for now,

megan

hi again, ben (do you remember me? can’t remember if we’ve ever talked or emailed, i just know who you are, maybe from the BSG short story contest thing…maybe we were just commenting on things around the same time…)

okay signing off for now,

megan’

8:45AM: left these comments:

‘ben, i remembered i’ve read a gchat between you and zachary german that involved me in a funny way for a few lines

haven’t said anything about this album yet: i like this album a lot

2009 jesus…yeah that makes sense, that’s when i first heard it

probably my second favorite why? album…‘alopecia’ first favorite…

this one has five of my favorite songs by them on it though (‘this blackest purse,’ ‘into the shadows of my embrace,’ ‘against me,’ ‘these hands,’ ‘january twenty something’)

i know the titles from looking at my phone, i just have those five songs from this album on my phone, i can’t remember other songs (which is why i wanted to download)

the full album was on my old computer

afraid to sync my phone with this computer due to…i don’t know

if i sync my phone with this computer my old stuff will be gone forever considering the spectrum of things that could happen to a person, ‘losing my phone’s old stuff’ would not be that bad

actually it’d probably be good

have been hearing vacuum noises coming from somewhere in my building since maybe a little before i wrote my first comment

it’s 6:46AM on a friday, why is anyone vacuuming right now

never understood how ‘vacuum’ is one of the most commonly misspelled words

in my head it sounds like ‘vac-que-oom,’ the ‘que’ and ‘oo’ transition easily/sensibly into ‘u’ and ‘u’

the noise seems to be coming from above and to the left…opposite side of the hall as me…opposite/above…

they didn’t have e-cigarettes in 2009

the person who invented e-cigarettes had yet to make their millions

i feel like my entire…everything i’ve done since 2009 has disappointed ryan manning

i associate you (ben) with ryan manning

same period of my life

i like ryan manning

he sent me an email recently that said ‘what happened to you,’ confirming my suspicions of disappointing him

he could’ve just been being friendly though

tried to think ‘he’s probably just being friendly’ as i wrote response

feel like he will probably read this and…i don’t know

i do seem pretty bad now

not too well-off

used to think something life-altering would happen to me when i turned [every age i’m about to turn]

currently sort of hoping no one reads this

or someone reads it and thinks ‘who is this crazy person, she does not seem too well-off’

‘well-off’ feels strange to type, what does it mean exactly