approached tao. he asked a question about [omitted]. remember pausing and thinking ‘the picture the photographer takes will be of this moment, where tao said that and i’m about to say whatever i’m going to say, i have a choice to lie right now’ and mostly feeling nervous. i thought complicated things about tao asking the question right away. asked him how he knew and he said ‘it just makes sense’ in a dismissive way, like he had considered our interaction about this in advance, maybe. i answered his question. he said ‘that’s good, i’m happy for you.’ i said ‘i wasn’t sure, but i thought you’d be okay with it’ and he confirmed being okay again. he was writing something in my book while we talked. he seemed confident or ‘present’ in a way that i didn’t feel like it was hard to look at him. i asked if he was on drugs and he said he was coming down from xanax and molly and other things, maybe. he asked what drugs i had on me. i said ‘heroin, xanax, adderall, molly,’ and that i’d given them to gian. at some point i said a photographer was taking our picture for new york magazine, pointing to the area to the upper level area where he stood. distracted by people behind me in line and trying to see what tao was writing in my book. wanted to talk more. i think i said ‘good job’ a few times. tao said ‘why didn’t you try to convince [omitted] that i’d be fine with it?’ and i said ‘i wasn’t sure all the way’ and he nodded like ‘affirmative: i have received information.’ walked away.

IT’S 9:47PM I’M LATE TO MEET MY DAD FOR DINNER, RESUMING THIS AFTER DINNER…SHIT…SHOULD’VE WAITED TO EAT THE ADDERALL SHIT.

10:16pm: I DON’T APPROVE OF MY PHONE/GOODWILL UPDATE FROM EARLIER UPON READING IT AND OTHER THIBGS FROM TODAY SOUBDS LIKE IM JUST INDIRECTLY TALKING ABOUT THIS THING IM ABOUT TO SAY DIRECTLY NOW: I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY RECENT WEIGHT LOSS AND I THINK I LOOK BETTER

DRIVIBG TO DADS NOW

ANXIOUS ABOUT HOW MUCH I SAID ABOUT [OMITTED] I MIGHT DELETE

MULLING THIS OVWR AT DINNER

RHE ANOUNT OF ANXIETY RIGNT NOW IS HIGH

ITS A LUTTLE BETTER NOW THAT I SAID THAT THIG DIRECTLY

11:17pm: dad gave me tour of entire office building. He offered me a beer and said ‘slainte.’ Driving to double t diner in separate cars now. Not looking forward to eye contact at dinner, always seems difficult, like even just now on office tour. The talking part is fine, just eye contact is hard.