it was getting later. remember considering ordering chinese food from the place. this day is very much colored in my memory with ‘should i buy chinese food’ and looking at my apartment with no curtains on the walls or sheets on the bed. looked at the menu for ciro’s pizza also. think it was around 5:45PM when i walked back up to my apartment from putting the clothes in the dryer. realized i wouldn’t be able to shower because i didn’t have towels so i ‘did’ my toes and fingers, like, scraped the dead skin off my feet and rubbed a four-sided stick on my toenails so they’d get shiny. knew i was going to be late for the launch party which, at this time, i thought was a reading.

around 6:15PM i went downstairs to get mostly still-damp clothes from dryer. threw everything on the bed. blow-dried hair and changed outfit a few times, then used hairdryer to dry sweat from hair/being hot in the apartment. wore white dress i had only worn once, on new year’s eve 2011-2012 at a motel with zachary, with black tights and a black belt and black high heels. thought ‘high class hot girl from ‘girls’ whose dad is a newscaster in real life and isn’t a character that much anymore.’ nervous about [omitted] this whole time. this was part of why i was late, i think. nervousness.

left apartment around 7:05PM. really did get ready pretty fast, i think. realized i didn’t know where i had left my car the other night (after coming home from michael seidlinger roof party around 5AM). jogged to the street and made eye contact with an older woman who said ‘hurry up’ and i said ‘i will’ quietly. walked up and down 118th-108th streets, looking for car. passed a zumba class and texted mira ‘i don’t know where my car is, should i just take a zumba class.’ she and sam were at the [keep wanting to call it ‘reading;’ i was driving when i found out it was just a party] party already. it was 45 minutes away. looked up cabs in my area and didn’t see any. followed a black cab-looking car down 113th st on the ‘giving up’ walk back to my apartment and my car was there. got in. drove fast. did small bump of heroin and gian texted to see if i had any and i said yes and that i was on my way and bringing it. mira asked if i had xanax for she and sam and that they’d pay for it. i said ‘you can have it for free if [omitted]’ and she said ‘[omitted].’