2:30AM: walked to mom’s room to show parents youtube video of ‘the meaning of life’ by don hertzfelt. during opening credits dad said ‘oh wow, the sundance film festival,’ and ‘a long trip down a birth canal.’ mom gently quieted him. focused on eating my orange. parents laughed in a manner like they felt pressured, maybe, when the cartoons started talking. stars replaced the talking cartoons and dad said ‘oh, well now that made me like it,’ stressing ‘that.’ near the end of the video, a small alien is left alone to look at the stars. mom sounded teary and like she might be smiling. dad talked excitedly about not understanding what the video was trying to say but he really, really liked it, like ‘hoo boy did i ever like that.’ mom said ‘it’s not over yet, mike.’ dad adjusted his posture and said ‘oh! oh no, hush, let’s hush and see what else happens.’ i didn’t look at either parent. the poignant part of the video had passed. i said ‘yeah, so.’ credits scrolled over pretty galaxy-like orbs. i said ‘yeah, the guy, he didn’t use computers to make it.’ dad said ‘oh, no computers? oh wow it was just great, wow, really great, is there some kind of website i can get to, to get to this guy? i really didn’t quite get it but the flavor of it is just so, wow. it’s really something.’ i said ‘i don’t know his website.’ it was hard to look at dad. i said goodnight. mom smiled and dad thanked me again for showing him the movie. i walked back to my room, feeling like i had just missed a crucial, seemingly easily-made three-pointer and the other team had taken possession of the ball.

3:12AM: plugged drain and turned faucets. sat in my room, waiting for tub to fill. dad stood in hallway between bathroom and my room and asked about my symptoms, which stopped a few days ago, and i’m pretty sure were caused by drugs i did in new york. i haven’t wanted parents to worry so i’ve been feigning a slow recovery from a stomach flu. told dad i’m feeling better. he reminded me xanax would help me sleep and i thanked him. placed macbook on chair in front of tub, for ‘bathtub internet viewing station.’ retrieved papaya from fridge. snorted medium-large amount of heroin from cute box given to me by tao, from a recent trip to taiwan. it’s a square made of four smaller squares with lids. almost transparent blue color. tapped baggie until ‘heroin quadrant’ was filled with an amount of powder, for next time. undressed and got in tub.