•  zachary said he figured out what happened to the cats. i walked to the kitchen. he leaned the stove/oven forward. the cats were huddled together behind the stove/oven in an impossibly tight space. alvie jumped out immediately and shirley tried to squeeze under the oven and her hind legs flattened, then she either got stuck or gave up halfway. zachary said ‘you thought i was going to say a bad thing, like i found out they were dead?’ i couldn’t remember. i said ‘y-eah. that they had died.’

•  watched ‘the office.’ toaster steak was fine. zachary had expressed concern about its wetness and color as it was cooking. he said ‘not bad, right?’ i said it was good. felt happy.

•  they played in a band on ‘the office’…they’re in a band…andy isn’t good, but he thinks he is, but he knows the band isn’t working…then at the end he’s okay because darryl thinks of the words…andy says ‘how are you thinking of that, you just thought of that?!’…they keep going…andy says something about how they’re no longer ‘on the clock’ but they keep going. i like how much everyone appreciates each other on ‘the office.’ i like how much they want friends. michael scott and andy the most. they seem so sweet and alone and full of this desire to love and be loved, like the best people on earth, but they’re not even real. just think of how happy michael scott would be to hear how much people laugh at his jokes. sending a soundbite of everyone who has ever laughed at a michael scott joke to ‘parallel universe michael scott’ who is a real person not played by steve carrell. hearing that would solve ‘the problem’ of michael scott. like he would…lose his personality…or no, he would just talk about how much he loved how much everyone loved him.

•  ‘king of the hill’ came on. then there was going to be another one. the TV was situated in the room a way that…you know sometimes something is only in a certain way because it makes sense in the moment, but it’s just a temporary thing? like covering your head with a newspaper in the rain? doing your best to manage a temporary thing? using the curtains as sheets also contributed to the feeling. it felt really good. i said something like ‘it’s so good, i’m getting more!’ about salad i didn’t end up finishing. zachary ate the rest of my steak. then we laid down. it felt good to be near his armpit and to smell him and to feel him breathing and moving in smaller ways and getting to know he was that close.