4:27PM: woke a little before 4PM. calls from macmedics and colin. have a headache. read and liked heiko julien’s beyonce story. i feel a little like nardwuar when i type what i’ve read by people i know online, like if i’d look someone in the eyes and say their name in person.

SO FAR TODAY:

•  before opening eyes, thought something like “kicking the bucket.’ why? it’s from fishing, there would be a bucket of fish. when the fish were cooked you could kick the empty bucket. that’s good. that caught on. try to make up something like ‘kicking the bucket:’ two syllables, one syllable, two syllables. it can also be one syllable for all three. it has to also mean dying? it’s like, a situation, a bucket getting kicked? too hard.’

•  ate two sugar-free sprouted cookies

•  poured coffee

•  printed apartment application copy

•  listened to voicemail/checked email/text messages

•  held one b-vitamin and looked for headache medicine. shook excedrin migrane bottle. held two capsules. peed. i’ve been hoping i would someday catch one of these things in action, caught it, here is what happened:

saw an almost-empty water bottle about 20’ away, in the next room. thought ‘complete this after flushing the toilet, before it starts refilling: swallow all three pills with the remaining water in the living room. you must be sure there is enough water before you start. is there? [seems hard to tell, will say ‘yes’ to up the stakes]. if there is not enough water to swallow the pills you have to swallow them with nothing or with hot coffee, so you’d better be sure there is enough water in that bottle. [doesn’t look like there is enough water]. don’t give me this last minute backing-down shit. i don’t want to see another baghdad disaster. you let us down big time boyle. this is your chance to redeem yourself. REMEMBER: AFTER FLUSHING BUT BEFORE IT STARTS REFILLING. ONE SECOND LATE AND YOU’RE GONE. GO GO GO GO.’

i did it. i swallowed all three. there was water to spare. sitting back and waiting for the goods to roll in.

5:02PM: my ten-year high school reunion is in a few days. i think i permanently removed myself from the facebook group somehow, but now i wish i hadn’t. would be a funny event to ‘cover.’ i could show up on a motorcycle with a chainsaw, like ‘meatloaf’ from ‘rocky horror picture show.’ like, a diamond-encrusted chainsaw. i’m not mad about high school. i don’t want to hurt anyone or use a chainsaw on anything. hm, no. too ‘loaded.’ too much potential to be misread.