2:14am: I want to get rammed really hard. Sexually rammed, not dodge rammed. That would help somehow. I am a self-diagnosed borderline personality disorder person. The only nice thing I have touched in days is this hot pink rubber thing on the back of my phone. It is supposed to help the phone not break. Or something. Help me help myself not break my phone when I drop it. And you better believe I will drop it.

2:20am: I shouldn’t tell dad his pot stinks.

2:23am: an ambulance is behind me with its lights going and no sirens. Would be funny if an ambulance just…always followed me…reverse ‘ambulance chaser’…do any billionaires hire ambulances to follow them 24/7?

2:26am: in my memory there was a period of today where I was unconscious. Or. I guess I was just barely functioning, sitting on mattress. Sheesh, right? Sheesh? Did anyone else ever say ‘sheesh’ like it means ‘throwing in the towel, man?’ Is that a Kermit the frog thing?

2:29am: impersonations I have been told I do well: Kermit the frog, Tao Lin, Zachary, a Russian person, an Indian person, Kenny. Mom and I used to do Anna Nicole smith. Both my dead grandmas. See Megan it’s not so bad. Everyone thinks they can do Bob Dylan. And Bill Cosby. The nerve. The gaul. The gaul of some people. The Charles deGaul. Gaulle? It’s an airport in France I think. I’m in parking spot at Dad’s.

2:42AM: i feel undeserving of the colorful packaging of a ‘berries go mega’ odwalla ‘food bar.’ but. what is there to do.

3–4:40AM: ate 2mg xanax, odwalla ‘berries go mega’ bar, dipped potato chips in sabra ‘classic hummus.’ think there were some fucking cadburry mini-eggs. often fantasize about being able to relocate weight to other places on body. like, reshape my legs and ‘take ‘em down a few’ and put them on my boobs and ass. take in waist a little, move to boobs and ass. reshape upper arms, and as usual, send that excess over to boobs and ass. face. um. i liked how pointy my face looked when i weighed 120-125lbs. that’s the least i’ve weighed as an adult. seems like a lot for girls to weigh or something, i have some idea that most ‘pretty girls’ weigh 100-115. i weigh 140-145 now, probably. actually probably 135 now. highest weight was 167, in 2004. my thighs man. hehe. i think the french word for ‘ham’

is ‘jambon.’ in 2004 my thighs looked ‘jambon.’ bigger than ham. jambon. stereotypical female body rambling, how groundbreaking, jesus, where’s my applause…waiting on that encore…i’m an insatiable george clooney, waiting backstage for my well-deserved encore…