1:15AM: small crisis. thought i’d lost security deposit check. sitting on the floor in the center of scattered apartment application-related papers, that colin recommended i organize in a binder for the selection committee people. typed ‘sup ipad’ in a long-un-responded-to gchat from ex-boyfriend. going to drive somewhere. 24-hour grocery store. buy folders and a stapler. brainstorm article ideas in car. seems important to stay in motion. ‘stay’ is funny/cute. that you can be ‘staying.’ imagining people in their rooms like how i’m in my room. anxiously imagined ex-boyfriend reading this. he wouldn’t want to read this much from me ever, i don’t think, and if he did it wouldn’t matter.

1:35AM: something that sounds like a piano playing notes at almost not-random, cinematic intervals is coming from either directly under me or behind my closet. sometimes it stops. feeling. i don’t know. i have a relationship with this liveblog now. everyone i’ve interacted with today has been so helpful and seemingly selfless. feel like reaching out to…something…thought ‘if there was something i could do with my arms.’

3:01AM: want sex badly. heard somewhere that if your cat is in heat and you put a q-tip up to her ass, she’ll back into it and be happy. i am so many miles from anyone i want to have sex with. currently enjoying sitting on heel and tentatively rolling. jesus. not horny enough to masturbate. missing something. everything is in order: the engine checks are finished, all passengers accounted for, weather and runway are clear, but this plane can’t fly without a co-pilot. actually i’m the co-pilot. yeah, it’s just the co-pilot here, i’m waiting on denzel, he’s still sleeping next to the pretty naked lady in a trashed motel room and it says ‘directed by: robert zemeckis’ at the bottom of the screen and slowly we learn the lady and denzel have been partying on alcohol and cocaine all night and soon denzel needs to fly an airplane. we do not yet know the lady is a stewardess who dies. at this point in the movie i didn’t know it wasn’t a true story. the movie is ‘flight.’ getting carried away. stopped being horny. thought ‘it all comes back to denzel.’

3:47AM: have not moved much. forgot i still need to write cover letter. pasted liveblog up until this update in microsoft word document, ‘LIVEBLOG.doc.’ i could easily write this much or more every day, i think. have been enjoying this. immediate plans: reapply sweater, drink energy drink, drive to 24-hour grocery store, buy stapler and folder, *have happy goodtime thinky thoughts on drive home get oh so inspired teehee*, eat adderall, write cover letter, write article.

considering eating a molly to make the time before cover letter more interesting. inspiration. goddamnit. should i…