‘Oh, Ellen.’ How can I explain to her that she’s worth so much more, when she doesn’t seem to have a clue what I’m talking about? ‘Are you going to spend the rest of your life here, going nowhere, doing nothing?’

‘You did.’

‘Yes. And look at me now.’

‘Yeah. Foot in a cast after getting pissed and a dream of doing a long walk.’

‘A very long walk,’ I correct.

‘Whatever.’

‘Is this all that you want for yourself – for the rest of your life?’ I look around at my shabby kitchen. ‘A mortgage, a husband, a couple of kids?’

‘I’m sorry it’s been so awful,’ my daughter says sulkily. ‘I thought you liked our family.’

‘I do,’ I say. ‘It’s just that I want more – for me and for you.’

‘Well, I don’t,’ Ellen says. ‘I like it just as it is. Stop trying to make your dreams everyone else’s.’

With that, my daughter flounces upstairs. So, after I’ve stared blankly at the wall for a bit wondering where I’ve gone so wrong, I eat the toast that I made for her. The toast that she didn’t want. Not only am I trying to foist my dreams on her, but also my dietary desires.

Is she right? Am I trying to make everyone else want the things that I want? Why is that? Is it because, now that I’ve embarked on this, I’m actually scared to death at the thought of doing it myself?

Chapter 96

Chapter 96

Lauren woke up still in Zak’s arms. The sunlight was streaming in through the cottage window and she could see pink roses bobbing their heads in the breeze. A bird sang on the tree just outside.

She turned towards him, until they were face-to-face. Zak’s eyes were open and there was a smile on his face. ‘I wasn’t dreaming, then,’ he said.

Lauren laughed. ‘No.’ She snuggled closer to him. ‘Have you been awake for long?’

Zak shook his head. ‘A few minutes. I was just enjoying the view.’ His eyes appraised her nakedness.

Lauren gave a leisurely stretch. ‘I think I’d like to spend the whole day in bed.’

‘That can be arranged.’

She kissed Zak’s mouth, suddenly serious.

‘What was that for?’

‘Thank you for a great evening. And night . . .’

‘I’m thinking that I’d like there to be many more of them.’

Lauren propped herself up on her arm. ‘Are you?’

‘Lauren,’ Zak said, ‘I have loved you for so long. You must surely have realised that?’

‘I just thought you felt sorry for me.’

‘Perhaps we need to put you in for some wiring readjustments,’ he suggested. ‘I just thought that I never had a chance with you because of . . . Well, because of circumstances.’