‘To help clear my name. He’s really good at that kind of thing.’ I took a deep breath. This was it. Was I really going to tell someone who I was, after all this time? Break my cardinal rule? I had to. It was the only way to explain my behaviour. ‘He did it for me before, when no one else would.’

Alex frowned. ‘Before?’

My hands were shaking. ‘There’s a lot I should have told you, Alex. Not just that I was married but . . . other things. Please, can I come in?’

It was cold in the hallway, dismal with dust and other people’s post abandoned in a pile on a window ledge. Alex stood aside, and I went in. He led me into the kitchen/living room. The remains of scrambled eggs stood on the hob and Sam’s toys were scattered on a rug by the small TV. Sam was on his knees, watching me.

Alex said, ‘Sam, bud, will you go and play in your room?’

‘Who is that lady?’

I forced a smile. ‘I’m Rachel. A friend of your dad’s.’

‘Oh.’ He raised a Thomas train to his mouth and put it in. He was only five, and his mother was gone. He’d never see her again. Someone had cut her throat, dumped her in the bushes, and I was the chief suspect. I couldn’t connect with this child, not now.

‘I’ll come and get you ready in a minute.’ Alex rested his hand on Sam’s head, and something in me contracted. Maybe I could never have this, a child, a home, normal things that normal people had.

‘How’s he doing?’ I said, when Sam left, looking curiously back at me.

Alex draped the tea towel on the rail by the cooker. ‘I’ve told him the minimum. I don’t think he really understands, to be honest. When you rang the bell just now he said, “Is that Mummy?”’

‘I’m sorry. Really, I’m so so sorry.’

‘So what did you need to tell me?’ Alex said. ‘Here, sit down.’ He cleared some dishes from the table, some magazines and papers. ‘Oh. Do you want a drink or something?’

‘Tea would be nice.’ I needed whatever comfort I could get. I watched him make it, opening the cupboards and taking down teabags, finding mugs.

When it came I picked up the hot cup and blew on it, absorbing the warmth through my cold hands. I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff.

‘Alex, I don’t know how to tell you. I’m not who I said I was. My name isn’t Rachel. And there’s a reason I ran away when I first found . . . Anna, there in the woods. It’s a really good reason.’