‘I don’t know if we’ve said it before, but we really couldn’t do this without you. Abby – she didn’t do so well after Carson was born. Postnatal, you know. It’s hard for her. So, thank you.’

I might have wondered why that was, why his non-working wife couldn’t cope with two kids, one already at school, but I was just so pleased to have the praise.

‘Thank you.’ I looked at him properly and realised with a little shock that he was kind of handsome in his messy pre-dawn way, hair standing up, glasses crooked, the smell of his skin, his long legs and muscled arms. How old was he, nearly forty? I remembered the whole reason I was here – to try and break into Hollywood. It seemed a million miles away, though I drove past film studios every day. ‘Busy day today?’

‘Oh! Yeah, casting a new movie.’

‘Cool.’ I hesitated. Carson was getting louder. ‘You know, sometime, if you have time, I would really love to know more about what you do. It’s just so interesting!’

He looked surprised. ‘Oh, well, sure, yes. OK.’

‘Thanks. Better get that baby.’

I had to squeeze past him, as he kept standing where he was, and I had the impression that he was looking at my legs as I climbed the stairs. As I went into Carson’s room, despite the howling red-faced baby that greeted me, I found that I was smiling.

Rachel

Rachel

I left the flat early the next morning while Alex was still asleep. He’d wanted to have sex the night before, which had shocked me a little, so soon after Anna’s death. I had tensed up as his hands crept from my waist to my breasts, under the baggy T-shirt of his I was sleeping in.

Eventually, after I hadn’t responded to his touch, he’d said, ‘What’s up?’

What was up?

‘I got arrested today. And your wife is dead.’

He withdrew his hands, sighed. ‘She’s not my wife.’

She had been, technically. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘Sorry. I’m just – my head’s all over the place. I just thought we could comfort each other.’

Guilt had spread through me, plus I could hear Jenna’s voice warning me that men had certain needs and if I didn’t meet them he’d go elsewhere. Jenna had been dead for thirteen years, lung cancer of course, but I sometimes wondered if she would ever leave me. I’d turned over and laid my head on Alex’s chest, breathing him in, the muscles of his stomach moving under me.

‘I know,’ I said. ‘I just – I’m a ball of nerves right now.’

‘Hey, it’s OK.’ He stroked my hair, and as we lay there I knew I would do anything to hold on to him.

Anything?

Not that. I would never have hurt Anna.