Now, as I stood outside Alex’s flat summoning the courage to ring the bell, I needed those techniques again. Fill yourself with breath, let it out. Fill and out. Fill and out. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was, me who had promised myself I wouldn’t get attached to anything ever again. All I knew was I had to make Alex talk to me, convince him I wasn’t cheating on him; and so, after a sleepless night, I had got up and walked to his street first thing in the morning. Was it even cheating if we hadn’t talked about exclusivity? For all I knew, he’d been seeing other people anyway. This Colette girl, for example. No. It was real, wasn’t it? The way he looked at me, like I was precious, like he couldn’t tear his eyes from mine? That had been real. Before all this.

I waited until someone came out of the main door of his building, barely giving me a second glance, for which I was grateful. I was already paranoid, sure that people in town must know I’d been arrested and it was only a matter of time before my real identity came out. I went up the stairs to his flat, rapped on the door and waited a while, starting to wonder if he was even home. Then the door opened. A small child was standing there in Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas. Sam. He just stared at me. I had seen him at a distance a few times – in Anna’s car when we rowed at the Co-op, and once with Alex at a café in town, but I’d very quietly slipped out again so he wouldn’t be forced to introduce me. Sam was a good-looking child, with Alex’s eyes and Anna’s fair hair.

‘Hi!’ My voice was too hearty. ‘Is your daddy here?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Can I see him, please?’

Sam continued to look at me for a moment, then turned and ran back into the flat, shouting, ‘Daddddeee there’s a ladeeee.’ That was me. A lady, a stranger. A few moments later, Alex appeared, wiping his hands on a tea towel. He was also in pyjama bottoms and a white T-shirt, hair peeking up from its v. I wanted to press my face there.

‘Hey. I’m sorry to just turn up. I wanted to explain about Jeremy. He’s my ex, truly, we’ve been over and done with for years.’

Alex’s face was closed. ‘You never even told me you were married before. And he’s staying at your house.’