‘I’m tired, Madison. From my big plane journey.’

‘Mommy said you have to get up now.’

‘I know, I will.’

‘And you have to make dinner, Mommy said. In time for Daddy.’

‘I know that, Madison.’ I got out of bed, with some effort, and as I disturbed Carson he started to cry. The sound of it seemed to shatter inside my skull. Did all babies make a noise like that? The kind you literally couldn’t be in the same room as for too long, or you’d go insane?

She raised her voice. ‘Carson is crying. You scared him.’

‘Yes, Madison, thank you, I can hear.’ I picked him up, jiggled him, which made him cry harder. Madison gave a sigh of deep contempt, then turned on her heels and darted down the corridor, her frills and curls bouncing. I knew she would tell Abby everything I’d done, all the ways I was failing. Carson’s wailing went up a notch, my top stained with his dribble. How could I cope with six months of this?

Rachel

Rachel

Marilyn stayed a while, drank a coffee, saying the same things over and over, as you do when you’re in shock. They had been schoolfriends, her and Anna, and I could see the loss punched through her. After a while I heard an engine splutter and die outside, and saw there was a white van parking up, almost blocking the small dead-end lane I live on, on the outskirts of town where it’s swallowed into the woods. My heart stuttered in my chest again. I stirred, not wanting Marilyn to see who it was. Not now.

‘You’re so sweet to come and check on me,’ I said. ‘I’d better take Brandy out now. Not much of a walk earlier.’ The dog, released from the kitchen, was curled up against Marilyn on the sofa, snuffling gently. ‘Will you be all right?’

‘Oh, don’t worry about me, darling. What about you? You’ve had a nasty shock.’

How good she was, with her broken veins and the frizz of grey around her temples.

‘I’m OK. Thank you.’ She reached over to squeeze my hand, which I knew must be as cold as ice, and it meant so much, that small gesture. My own mother would never have done that, and Anna had been Marilyn’s friend since primary school, and now she was dead. ‘I – I’m really sorry, Marilyn. I know you were close.’ I couldn’t bring myself to say Anna’s name.

She twisted her face in a pained smile. ‘I can’t take it in, really. Any of it. That it’s her – I keep thinking it must be some mistake.’