‘Where are you now?’ he asks.

‘Park flats. The tram’s coming, I’ll be in work in about half an hour.’

‘I’ll come and fetch you, we can both go to Susan’s. The police could take ages, Kat! What if she’s…’ He stops himself.

‘No, I need to get to work. Help the team. I have to do this by the book, Rhys.’‘The book. Right.’‘Don’t worry. We’ll find her,’ I say, once again making statements I have no control over. The tram pulls up and I step on, leaning against the cool of the yellow metal grab rail. ‘I’ll call you later, if you like,’ I say.‘Please! If you hear anything. I need to know, okay?’ He hangs up as the tram moves off and I wonder what has changed for him. What has shifted to make him go from angry to distant to suddenly needing to find Susan almost as much as I do?

If I don’t find her, my career is surely over. And then what will I do? I bite back the tears that are fighting to escape. Keep it together, Kat. This is not about you. Don’t give in to any of it. You’re more than that. You’re better.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

RHYS

I sling on last night’s clothes, grabbing my keys and wallet as I head out the door, letting it slam shut behind me. Unusually, the van seems to appreciate the urgency this morning, starting on the first tickover.

I cut up through the backstreets from Woodseats to Norton and follow the road past the water tower to Susan’s. I take the speed bumps too fast, my suspension banging and groaning. Pulling up at her house, I unclick my seat belt, opening my door before the engine shuts down. Then a thought crosses my mind, stopping me cold. The reality of what this might mean stabs me in the gut. What if she’s here, but she’s not? What if she came back to finally end things? What if everything Kat and I have tried to do has made no difference whatsoever? What if it made it worse?

What if I’m not enough to keep her alive?

Nausea swells.

Everything about her house looks the same. It’s still and empty-looking, just as we left it last week. The next-door neighbour’s door opens suddenly, and my heart splits for a second. He lifts the boot to his T5, throwing bags in, taking something out and dropping it into his own hallway. He locks his front door.

‘Hey,’ I say, jumping out of my van. ‘Sorry to bother you, but have you seen Susan?’ I jog towards him, legs like jelly. I’m breathless with nervous energy.

The neighbour opens his van door, standing behind it as he leans to put his keys in the ignition, and shakes his head. ‘No. Not for weeks, actually.’ He looks at me, then to the van. ‘Did she book you?’

‘No, no. I’m her… friend.’

I hope he doesn’t notice the pause before I categorise myself. Is friend how she’d describe me? Would he believe anything else? Do I? Whatever, he seems convinced and steps out from behind the van door. ‘We’ve been worried, actually,’ he says. ‘Me and the missus. I mean, Susan keeps herself to herself, we all know that, but, well, normally we see her come and go. Less so since her parents…’ He trails off, looking at me with suspicion. ‘A friend?’ he checks.