‘No, but she’s still my patient. This is still my ward,’ I hiccup.

He squeezes me tight, then holds me out, looking into my eyes, brushing hair from my wet cheeks and tucking it behind my ear. I drop his gaze, feeling awkward and vulnerable. ‘You are a brilliant nurse, Kat. Susan has made her own choice to leave. We know this is a complex situation, and you have done everything you can to help her.’ He pulls me back in, and I’m relieved for a break in the intensity. ‘You’ve gone above and beyond.’

‘That’s what I’m worried about. What if I made the wrong call somewhere?’

‘You did everything you felt you should, every step of the way. That’s all anyone can ask.’

Against everything inside telling me not to, I let my head relax into his touch, his strength all but holding me up. His certainty and confidence combined with empathy and warmth brings about a tiredness that swells over me. I let myself stay in his arms a little longer. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper, realising how good it is to feel I’m not alone.

‘It’s nothing,’ he says, with another squeeze.

I lift my head up to look up at him. Mr Just-Call-Me-Mark Barnes. He smells different again today, no aftershave at all this time. He smiles gently as he studies my face. My heart quickens and for the briefest moment I wonder what it might be like to kiss him…

‘I have to go,’ he says, clearing his throat as he stands back. ‘I just…’ He strokes the back of his head, looking down at his feet. ‘I just wanted to check you were okay,’ he says, backing off to the door. ‘Try not to worry, okay?’ He closes the door behind him, looking through the glass one last time before leaving me alone and confused in my office. I have a patient on the missing list and I’m standing here considering what it might feel like to kiss a colleague. Frustration at my own stupidity replaces the tiredness and fear. ‘For fuck’s sake, Kat!’ I shout out into the room, at the exact same moment my phone rings.

‘Rhys?’

‘Kat, yeah, it’s me.’

The line comes and goes; his signal is breaking up. ‘Where are you? Did you talk to him? What happened?’ Emma peeks through my window now and I signal for her to come in. She pulls a chair up to my desk.

‘I saw James, we’ve spoken,’ he says.

‘Did he say where we might find her? Did he know where she might be? Any clues at all?’

‘No,’ sighs Rhys. ‘He couldn’t help.’

‘Great. Brilliant. So, we’ve got no letter and no help. Perfect.’ Frustration has fully set in. ‘So what’s your next big move, Rhys? What’s your next solution for my patient?’ Emma reaches her hand out to mine, taking hold with a squeeze. I look up at her and she signals for me to take a breather. I nod. ‘Sorry, Rhys.’ I stretch out, then rest my forehead in the palm of my hand. ‘I’m just… Sorry, that was unfair.’