‘What’s in that?’ asks Lou. It’s as if mind reading is real and she is proficient in the art. ‘You’ve not let it out of your grasp all morning. I’ve told you before, it’s bloody ugly. Did you have to bring it here?’ She lowers her voice to a whisper. ‘This is a designer boutique, darling. That bag is straight off of Castle Market!’

‘What was wrong with Castle Market?’ I say.

‘They closed it down, Kat. No more information required.’ She purses her lips.

‘Whatever. It’s some stuff I’ve picked up for a patient. I just don’t want to lose it, that’s all.’

‘Lose it! How? No one’s lifting that monstrosity. And don’t you have people to do that sort of thing for you, now that you’re the boss? Doesn’t the patient?’

‘I’m not really the boss, Lou,’ I say. ‘And if only. At least it might have saved us from opening multiple cans of the proverbial worms.’

‘What are you on about? And who is “us”?’

I’ve clearly, and frankly rather foolishly, said too much. Lou is all but sniffing out the story, like an ivory-clad truffle pig. ‘Rhys,’ I say, and she cocks her head in a silent question. ‘The plumber?’ I add, though I know it’s accepted information and she is pretending to be this naive.

‘Ohh, the plumber. Yes. Rhys. Right.’

‘Lou…’ I warn.

‘The plumber you absolutely do not fancy.’

‘Correct.’

‘Whatsoever.’

‘Exactly. And now is so not the time.’

‘If you say so,’ she says. For a second I think she’s going to let it go, then she throws her hands in the air and looks at me like she did in sixth form when I tried to deny I had shagged Dean Waters. The news of my copulation with the school’s squarest boy was made worse by the fact it was my first time. She didn’t let it go for several years thereafter. ‘I’m not here to judge you, Kat. I mean, I will judge you, obviously – BFF prerogative – but that shouldn’t make a difference to you.’

‘It doesn’t make a difference to me, because I don’t fancy the plumber. Not that it would make a difference if I did. This is all bigger than a crush that I don’t have on some bloke from work – not least the fact that Susan is way more complex than I first imagined.’ I throw a stupidly large-scale piece of information into the ring in an attempt to deflect. It’s a poorly executed sleight of hand.

‘Tell. Me. Everything.’

Regrettable.

The assistant saves me. ‘You need to take this dress off now, please,’ she says, guiding Lou back into the changing room. My relief at her being swept away is tempered by the arrival of my own dress.

‘Hold that thought,’ she shouts at me through the curtain. ‘I want all of the details just as soon as I am de-frocked and we have taken a moment to bask in the deliciousness of your dress. You are going to love it.’