But as she waited for her food to arrive, she wondered if such an outing would be the best move. Outside of typical work barriers, Jack tended to be a little friendlier than he did when they were on the clock. She doubted hed have as much of a problem really trying to dig into what had been bothering her lately. Shed noticed that so far on this case, hed kept it to a minimumlikely because shed nearly bitten his head off a few times ever since receiving her diagnosis.

So maybe going out for a drink was a bad idea. She thought it over while she sat at the small table, looking at the tidy pile of notes and files theyd accumulated so far on the case. She kept going back to the transplant list, finding that it was indeed an odd sort of hit list. More than that, she found herself thinking of the kind of emotions that must go through someone after putting their name on such a list. Was it more anticipation or dread? Did your name going on the list instantly create a sense of relief or was there just one more thing to worry about?

As she considered all of this, she inserted her own situation into it. She wondered what her life might be like if she came clean with everyone and then called up her doctor to see what her first steps might be in terms of trying to beat this. She knew her chances were incredibly slim…but what if?

It struck her then, not for the first time, that maybe her refusal to seek treatment was selfish. If she hated the idea of Paige growing up without a mother, then shouldnt she at least try to make sure that didnt happen? And if she did reach out to a doctor, if she did decide to start options like chemo, would it illicit hope or fear?

She didnt know, though it was the first time shed allowed herself to openly think about such things. She knew if she came clean with everyone and sought treatment, her career would essentially be over. Every waking minute of her life would be dedicated to retiring and working towards trying to beat the cancer. But if it was a battle that she knew she had a small chance of beating, why even take the punishment? Why put Paige through watching her mother slowly deteriorate and waste away, sick all of the time, with no real

A knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts. She came out of them with a jerk, almost the same way shed been pulled form her impromptu nap earlier. Shed nearly forgotten about the Chinese food.