Of course, it did no good to think of such things right now. She walked back to the cubicles, already overhearing Jack and Stanhope doling out names for each of them to visit. Before she rejoined, she took a moment to gather her own thoughts and feelings on the matter The whole concept of running out of time was a bit too close to her, after all. She wasnt sure she liked picking and choosing based on who may have the least amount of time because it ran the risk of overlooking other factors. But in this situation, she thought it was definitely the safest. It was yet another example of her own fears and secrets getting in the way of her judgementanother reason she needed to come clean and tell Jack, Paige, and probably even Director Anderson about her diagnosis.

But not now. Now, there was this case. Now, there was trying to figure out how to handle her family in the midst of her situation.

She heard Peter in her head, sad and cold at the same time. Not now? his voice scoffed. If not now, then when? Dont make your daughter wait until youre dead to find out the secret you were keeping.

It was a thought that chilled her. And even when she rejoined Jack and looked to the transplant list again, she still felt it. Looking at it, she wondered if thats what she was slowly becoming as she tried to bury her situation with work: just another name on a list, waiting to die.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

The voice had become insistent last night, so loud and prominent that hed not slept well. One question seemed to run through his head over and over in a desperate sort of whine: Why are you making me wait so long?

There were a few times during the night when the voice had been so clear that hed gotten out of bed to see if she was in his bedroom. But there had only been the darkness, divided up by the thin blades of light coming through his partially closed blinds. When seven o clock had come around, he knew there was no way hed be able to function at work. He called in sick, bemoaning a headache and stomach pains.

Hed then had a few cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal, consuming it all at his kitchen table. While he ate, he thought of the Ragland woman. More than that he thought of how hed narrowly avoided the police. Hed heard them coming up the stairs just as hed dropped down to the slanted roof over the screened-in porch. Another ten seconds, and he would have been caught. Ah, but that was the excitement in it, wasnt it? Hell, hed even driven by the house afterwards, her blood still on his hands, and watched the cops come in and out of the house.