No. But you know…Im not that far away Just two and a half hours. So when we get this thing wrapped tomorrowhopefullyit wont take me too long to get home.

Oh. Okay.

The harshest thing of all was that Paige truly didnt seem to mind all that much. She was used to her parents not being there. And before too long, Rachel realized, she was going to be used to her mother not being there at all.

What the hell are you doing here, working? she asked herself. She wondered if a stage of receiving devastating news was self-loathing. If so, she was quickly coming up on it.

Im really sorry I have to be here right now, Rachel said, hating herself even more because she wasnt sure if she meant it. When speaking to Paige, she wasnt really sure about anything.

Its okay. We had fun at Grandma Tates right?

Yeah, Im glad you enjoyed it. You be good for Ms. Nelson, okay?

Its Kaitlin! Kaitlin Nelson, one of their two go-to sitters yelled from the back.

Need to talk with me about anything Kaitlin?

No maam! Were going to have chicken alfredo, a cupcake, and then watch a movie. And then its bedtime.

Thanks, Kaitlin.

Absolutely.

And you, she said, redirecting her attention to Paige, her face still huge and prominent in the screen. I miss you.

I miss you, too. Bye, Mommy!

They ended the call and the moment it was over, Rachel decided that she was not going to call Peter for a second time. Right now, with the way things were between them, there would be no good to come of it. Instead, she took a shower and sat in front of the local evening news until Jack knocked on her door to go grab dinner.

She left the room feeling like a bad mother but with a case in front of her as a distraction. It was a wretched juggling act, but one she was getting far too good at. The trick now was deciding if it was a good or a bad thing, and she wasnt sure if it was an answer that she was ready to hear.

Rachel spent the next five minutes finding the number to a Chinese restaurant and calling in a delivery order. She then showered, dressed, and seriously considered going with her original idea of asking Jack out for a beer to talk about the case. She knew it wasnt exactly an encouraged practice, but it was Rachels experience that deep talks over a few drinks tended to open up avenues of discussion that may not be breached in car rides, offices, or stuffy conference rooms.