A sign for the M40 flashes by. Once she’s on the M40 it’s only another two hours until she reaches London. Will Tom come back to their flat after the retreat ends, or will he slope off somewhere else to lick his wounds? Yes, she’s pretty sure that’s what he’ll do. He’ll ignore her calls and she’ll spend her days sitting on their grotty sofa leaving him voicemail messages and waiting for him to walk through the door. She spent eighteen months waiting for Tom to come home. Eighteen months she put her life on hold and she’s not going to do it again. She signals left and turns off onto an A road. She’s not going back to London. She’s going to return to Wales to make her husband a deal: a quickie divorce in return for his resignation as a Director. And she won’t leave until she gets what she wants.

Chapter 45

Then

JENNA

Jenna runs her fingertips over her head, stroking the soft stubble that is all that remains of her hair. There’s a charged, manic atmosphere in the marquee. The other guests are milling around like shorn sheep in their white bath robes, bleating in excitement.

‘Oh wow, you look so different.’

‘Short hair really suits you.’

‘I barely recognise anyone.’

Kate didn’t say a word as she stood behind Jenna’s chair and took the clippers to her hair but Jenna could sense a change in her energy. It was as though the veneer she wore over her emotions was so tightly stretched it was fit to burst.

A couple of hours ago, Jenna wasn’t sure if she’d be able to go through with the head shaving.

Her chat with Damian convinced her otherwise.

Only it wasn’t a chat, was it? It was a directive: ‘Don’t trust Tom.’ It wasn’t about her at all. It was about him, and what he wanted from her. How he felt. It was like talking to her mother: the disapproval, the warning, the judgemental stare.

But now isn’t the time to trudge around in old memories and resentments. The purpose of the sweat lodge is to cleanse herself of all that, to let go of the negativity and emerge anew. She hasn’t chosen a new name for herself and she’s not entirely sure about the whole ‘rebirthing’ element but she likes the symbolism. Earlier in the morning, they set out as a group, onto the wasteland. They were to find a rock, Tom told them, that represented their pain and hurt. It didn’t take Jenna long to find hers. It was black, with sharp edges, and riddled with holes. As instructed, she carried her rock to the cliff edge and stood with the others in a line.