Back Feel Free to Scream
Chapters (82)
  1. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  2. 1. Claire
  3. CLAIRE
  4. 2. Keller
  5. KELLER
  6. 3. Claire
  7. CLAIRE
  8. 4. Claire
  9. CLAIRE
  10. 5. Claire
  11. CLAIRE
  12. 6. Keller
  13. KELLER
  14. 7. Claire
  15. CLAIRE
  16. 8. Claire
  17. CLAIRE
  18. 9. Keller
  19. KELLER
  20. 10. Claire
  21. CLAIRE
  22. 11. Claire
  23. CLAIRE
  24. 12. Claire
  25. CLAIRE
  26. 13. Claire
  27. CLAIRE
  28. 14. Claire
  29. CLAIRE
  30. 15. Claire
  31. CLAIRE
  32. 16. Claire
  33. CLAIRE
  34. 17. Claire
  35. CLAIRE
  36. 18. Claire
  37. CLAIRE
  38. 19. Keller
  39. KELLER
  40. 20. Claire
  41. CLAIRE
  42. 21. Claire
  43. CLAIRE
  44. 22. Claire
  45. CLAIRE
  46. 23. Keller
  47. KELLER
  48. 24. Claire
  49. CLAIRE
  50. 25. Claire
  51. CLAIRE
  52. 26. Claire
  53. CLAIRE
  54. 27. Claire
  55. CLAIRE
  56. 28. Claire
  57. CLAIRE
  58. 29. Claire
  59. CLAIRE
  60. 30. Claire
  61. CLAIRE
  62. 31. Claire
  63. CLAIRE
  64. 32. Keller
  65. KELLER
  66. 33. Claire
  67. CLAIRE
  68. 34. Claire
  69. CLAIRE
  70. 35. Claire
  71. CLAIRE
  72. 36. Keller
  73. KELLER
  74. 37. Claire
  75. CLAIRE
  76. 38. Claire
  77. CLAIRE
  78. 39. Keller
  79. KELLER
  80. EPILOGUE
  81. KELLER
  82. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I don’t see her very often. When I do, it’s hard to really think of her as a parent. She’s too young, too pretty, too confident and aloof. Like a cool aunt. And that’s the role she’s had in my life in any case.

She’s holding a bouquet in one hand. “Oh, here you are! Glad I didn’t get lost!”

Striding in, Hyacinth Fairmont seems to bring in sunshine with her.

She’s my height, my body type, and my face. Her hair’s a warmer blonde. She assured me it used to be as crazy as mine, but her hairdresser tames it into well behaved curls instead of my cloudy mess.

Back home, I used to braid it. But Keller likes it, and loves to run his fingers through it. I’ve started to keep it loose, and I no longer mind it.

“Oh, Claire, you’re resplendent,” she tells me, giving me a hug, made slightly awkward by the flowers.

She uses words like that, my mother. Resplendent. It’s funny, coming from someone as magnetic as she is.

“You too!” I assure her.

“I guess you had to get it from somewhere, huh?” she says without an ounce of false modesty.

“And I guess I’m just part of the decor,” my grandmother sneers.

“If that were the case, you’d be silent.” Hyacinth snorts. “Hello, Mother. I brought you flowers. Please don’t die on the operating table, I can’t afford a funeral.”

I’ve always half admired, and half been outraged by the way she talks back. After Keller, I just laugh.

Frankly, her presence is a huge and unexpected relief. She’s the object of my grandmother’s constant criticism, so typically, I fade back to the background.

Not today.

“Did you hear what happened? Your daughter left, and not one week later, broke up with her boyfriend and cut off all contact,” my grandmother says.

I never thought I’d see the day I’d be more the focus of her ire than her own daughter.

“Oh, that boy Noah? Good for you! I didn’t like the way he talked to you.”

My grandmother breathes in sharply, and I smile at my mother.

It’s not the first time she’s said so, and before, I dismissed it. He talked to me normally. He paid attention to me, unlike anyone else. Looking back, I know she was right. The constant little jabs about my clothes, my drawing habit, my interests, my hair, putting me down slowly, weren’t how a boyfriend should act. Not how anyone should act, really.

“Noah is a good boy, from a good family—” my grandmother starts.

“You mean, from your parish, with grandparents who show up at mass. In case it’s escaped your notice, Claire, like me, doesn’t share your faith, or your ideas on what’s good for us.”