I want to tell him I didn’t save my hymen for anyone or anything. Noah thinks sex is something that happens between a man and wife. My grandmother wholeheartedly agrees. My mother’s name is often muttered as the example of what happens to people who go against that sacred edict. And I was given no reason to want sex before him.

I want it now, though.

I don’t necessarily agree with everything my grandmother preaches. It’s like her certainty that she got that free surgery by being pious, when in actual fact, I got it for her, by being positively scandalous. I just smile and nod to what she says to keep the peace.

If I’d wanted to have sex with Noah, I would have acted differently. I’m too shy to just point-blank tell him, but I would have alluded, seduced, cajoled.

I would have said please.

“The finger. Add a finger,” I tell him.

Tear the damn barrier so we can stop talking about it already.

He tsks. “I don’t think so, darling. That cunt isn’t mine. I don’t break other people’s toys.”

I think I hate him.

“Don’t worry. I don’t mind playing with it a little. So long as I give it back intact.”

He covers me with his whole mouth, and feasts.

26. Claire

26

CLAIRE

Eventually, I return to my body, sweaty, disgusting, out of breath.

I’m glad Keller’s still here. I’d hate if he left. It would make me feel hollow. Alone.

“I thought—” Speaking is a struggle between heavy pants. “I thought you weren’t going to do it. Today. You said you didn’t think so.”

He snorts. “Changed my mind. It’s my prerogative.”

I think he says something else. But the next thing I know, my alarm is ringing, and it’s bright outside. Shit. I didn’t shower. My sheets—brand new—are going to need a wash.

Sitting up, I blink away the last of my sleepiness. The first thing I notice is that I’m alone. My stomach contracts in distaste at that, but I don’t let myself analyze it. Of course I’m alone. This is my room, and Keller sleeps next door. It’s stupid to think he would stay with me just because he enjoys shoving his cock in my ass.

Groaning, I drag myself to the bathroom for a quick shower. I don’t start classes until later, but I want to keep my appointment with Dez this morning. She was nice. I’m glad I already have a friend in Lily—and by extension, maybe even Liv and Jack—but I still don’t know many people here. And if I’m staying in the Vesper House for the rest of the year, it won’t hurt to have a friend right next door.

Besides, mille feuille sounds delicious.