‘I was a bit miffed to begin with, I’ll admit it. He’d nag the life out of me for buying the expensive dishwasher tablets not Lidl own brand and moaned on like a bitch about the four-star hotel I’d booked for that Beyoncé concert when the ‘Premier Inn is next door to the venue’ and that bitch got a fucking Cartier? Livid.’

‘He’s becoming quite ubiquitous in the UK. Done a few interviews, got himself a publicist.’

‘He’ll be on Ready Steady Cook next, you mark my words.’

Freddie shakes his head. ‘Happy human bonds, huh? You’ve totally got away with it, haven’t you?’ He reached into his bag and pulled out his phone, clicking onto YouTube. He gave a furtive look around and slid the video across the table towards me. ‘I mean, you’re home and dry, now this has happened…’

It’s a WCAX News report from two weeks ago. I’d seen it before – serious-faced newsman in grey suit looking down the barrel of the camera. Blonde in blue anorak, standing in the pissing rain at the end of a darkened street lit only by blue and red police lights. The tickertape headline:

WOMAN SHOT DEAD AT HOME OF SERIAL KILLER SISTER

‘We’re getting information about a shooting in Lawford Heights. Early reports are suggesting that a woman has been shot dead at a house on Old Mill Road. Mark Weppler is live from the scene. Mark – what can you tell us about this unfolding story right now?’

‘Yes, Cindy, I’m here at this beautiful, unassuming house in Lawford Heights, a short distance from the main highway in the town of Weston and what we know about this situation right now is that in the early hours of the morning, sometime around 2.15 a.m., a person attempted to gain entry to this property behind me and that person was thought to be serial killer Rhiannon Lewis, who has been on the run from justice in the UK for the past year.

‘This house belongs to Lewis’s sister, Seren Gibson, and her husband and two children. Fortunately, the Gibson children are away staying with their father at the present time – it’s understood the couple have separated under the strain of the situation – so the children and their dad were not present when the incident took place.’

‘So do we know the status of Mrs Gibson, is she OK?’

‘It’s not clear at this time who was shot – whether it was Mrs Gibson herself or the intruder, Cindy, but one thing we do know is that not five minutes ago, we got these pictures of a body bag being wheeled out of the house and into the back of a private ambulance so somebody’s dead for sure.’

‘What was it like for you to see that headline?’ asks Freddie, stopping the video in its tracks.