‘They called me Sweetpea at work and I hated it. When I catfished men I made some of ’em carve flowers into their skin. But you know that, right?’

‘You like the flowers though, yes?’ He threw the spent lime half in the trash behind him without even looking. Hole in one. My dad used to do the same with apple cores.

‘Yes. I love flowers.’

‘I’ll order you some plants and seeds. You can refill the borders out there. You do all the work.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I used to like seeing them grow. Marisol loved playing in the fields of cempasuchil at the back of our house when she was little. A golden mile.’

‘This house?’

‘No, on our farm near Puerto Vallarta. She never saw this place.’

‘What is sempa—?’

‘Cempasuchil? Marigolds. The most beautiful colour you will ever see.’

‘I’ll need some quality manure that I can dig in. That will re-energise the ground. It has to be well rotted though or else it will scorch the rhizomes—’

‘You sound like an expert.’

‘My mum liked gardening. She spent all her time planting and digging and deadheading after what happened to me. She said it soothed her.’

‘After your brain injury? Well, it’s cute that you used to help your mommy in the garden and all—’

‘—no, I wasn’t allowed to help. I watched her through the window.’

‘Why you not allowed?’

‘I wasn’t a nice child. She said I didn’t deserve nice things.’

‘And you deserve nice things now?’

I dried my hands on the tea towel and slapped across to the fridge to get a soda. ‘Probably not. I’d still like to plant the flowers for you though.’

It wasn’t until the tortillas had been assembled and pushed towards me on a plate that he spoke again.

‘You can do the little garden. Add whatever plants you want to the internet order. It’ll keep you happy while you are here.’

I was excited, up until the point he said ‘while you are here’.

‘Thank you,’ I said, more mutedly than I’d intended.

I was starting to cling, like I had with Caro. I thought maybe, if I did everything he asked, he’d let me stay. I could cook and clean, get the flowers growing, become a real asset to him. I’d suck his dick if I had to. I’m not averse to dick-sucking if the situation calls for it – it’s just that my urge to bite down has always been too strong before. But I would do it, if it meant I could stay permanently. I think at that moment, I’d have done anything.

Monday, 28 January – Hacienda Santuario