‘What do I do with the bodies?’ I asked.

‘Bury them like the others,’ he wheezed. ‘Burn everything broken. I will send Paco and his boys to fix the windows.’

The black BMW waited – headlights on, engine rumbling. I got him through the gates before we both stumbled to the ground. Two men got out of the car and ran to help – Ming and Arturo.

‘How did you get here so quickly?’ I said but neither of them answered and Tenoch yelled out in pain as they bore his weight and lifted him back onto his feet. ‘Is he going to be OK?’

‘You need to look after the place, gatita,’ Tenoch wheezed as they eased him into the back seat.

‘I will, I promise, I’m not going anywhere,’ I told him.

‘Good girl,’ he said, stroking my cheek with his whole hand, like my dad would. ‘Keep yourself safe… you know how everything works.’

Tenoch took one last look at me as Ming closed the back door on him and ran round to the driver’s side as Arturo got in the front. There was this look in his eyes as the door closed: the same one Sandra Huggins had before I brought down the axe. The same look Derek Scudd had before I mounted him with that pillow – fear he was about to die.

The car sped off down the dirt track, disappearing into the dust on the dark road until all was silent.

And I was left there, alone, in the middle of the night, with a man’s liquefied head contents still running down my face.

Thursday, 6 June – Hacienda Santuaria

1. People on TV shows who order drinks then leave them, mid-conversation
2. Soap operas or TV dramas with domestic violence storylines that imprison the woman the moment she fights back
3. People who slurp their drinks, on TV or in the same room as me
4. Everybody Loves Raymond – I don’t
5. Size Zero models who claim to eat like pigs. Fuck off.

Three days I spent at the Hacienda alone. After Ming and Arturo came to replace the smashed windows the following morning, there were no other visitors. There was no news on Tenoch’s condition either. I missed people. I missed David and his drawings. I missed Saúl’s fat little belly jiggling whenever he laughed and the way Mátilda always held my hand when we were looking for insects in the borders. I missed Raf so much I could barely think about his face without bursting into tears.