Apart from the pile of dead men staining the shag pile, it was a nice little place, the pool house. There was a sofa bed, a table with a vase of fake marigolds and a TV in the corner. Through another door was a tiny bathroom.

‘What do I do with them?’ I asked, with more than a hint of da fuh?

‘You know your way around a butcher’s knife,’ he said. ‘Cut them up.’

‘Why do I have to cut them up?’

He turned on his heel. ‘Cut them up, burn ’em. Whatever.’

‘I only did that once, cut somebody up. I didn’t enjoy it.’

‘OK, they will need to be buried down in that field over the back fence. You need to dig a hole and take them down there. And I can’t see you being strong enough to carry them as they are. Even dead, they’re too heavy.’

‘Do I have to?’

‘You want to stay here?’

‘Can I at least have a sleep and a shower?’

‘Oh sure,’ he said. ‘You go freshen up. I’ll fix you something to eat and then you sleep. They’ll still be here when you wake.’

‘Great.’ Tenoch closed the pool house doors and I followed him back towards the house. ‘Over the back fence is an empty field between the date palms and the citrus orchard. It used to be for cempasuchil but nothing grows there now. You can take them down there tomorrow in my little carretilla.’

‘Why does nothing grow there?’ I asked.

He turned to me and grinned widely, showing a full row of Disney villain teeth. ‘Why do you think?’

Sunday, 20 January – Hacienda Santuario

1. DI Nnedi Géricault
2. Guy Majors
3. The actress on that bloody annoying hay fever advert with all the bees
4. The actor on that other ad for toilet paper who can’t get over the softness of his own arse
5. Justin Timberlake. I don’t know what gives him the right anymore.

SKY NEWS: BREAKING NEWS

‘We go live to our Europe correspondent Guy Majors in Rome where there’s a new development on the whereabouts of serial killer Rhiannon Lewis. Guy?’

Cut to bouffant-haired white guy in suit. Finger in ear. Eau de Gammon cologne.

‘Yeah, hi, Sandy, I’m here in Rome, Italy, where it’s alleged Rhiannon Lewis was seen a couple of days ago and it is thought she is still in this area. She was last seen in a café by two tourists, mother and daughter Lindsay and Kaisha Debenham, who are here on holiday for a fortnight and they join me now…’

Cut to close-up of two blonde women – the same blondes I’d seen in the café at the Pantheon. Scouse accents. Deeper tans.

‘Kaisha, if I can turn to you. Tell us what you saw. It was lunchtime, wasn’t it?’