Caro said I deserved to be loved. I wanted to believe that. A small group of kids in the UK were calling themselves the ‘Dead Heads’ and had set up a Tumblr, posting daily pics they had drawn of my killings, imagining what it was like to cut AJ into pieces. Imagining they were there standing at the quarry when I pushed Julia down, when I torched the Blue Van. They all said they hoped I was seeing this. They all said they loved me.

‘It’s better to be sick with someone than healthy and alone,’ I suggested.

Tenoch’s face was blank. Like Mum and Dad’s when I swore or did something to get a reaction – like smashing a glass or cutting Seren’s hair.

But my growing crop of Dead Heads were giving me inner strength. Right or wrong, they renewed my belief in myself. Refreshed my energy for getting the hole dug. And they made me think, just for a short while, that someone truly cared about me. And that feeling is fucking addictive.

Thursday, 24 January – Hacienda Santuario