‘Don’t listen to him,’ said Ariela, giving her husband a playful shove, her arms dripping in bangles, hair all knotted up in a scrappy bun. ‘Come and grab a drink and something to eat before these guys snag all the chicken wings. And word to the wise – don’t eat too much of Abuela’s capirotada – you will not float in that pool afterwards!’

‘Good advice, thank you.’

I properly met Raf’s older sister Olivia too – Fun Times at Guantánamo – who was more strikingly beautiful than I’d given her credit for. I noticed she wasn’t joining in too much with the conversation when the rest of the aunts and uncles were doing their Getting To Know You bit and she was the only one who didn’t smile as easily.

During the second half of the volleyball contest, I was staring into the void, wondering where Raf had got to, when an iPhone was thrust before my face and a picture of a teenage boy with buck teeth assaulted my eyes.

‘He hasn’t always been that gorgeous, just so you know,’ said Liv. ‘So start praying your kids get your teeth, not his.’

I grabbed the phone from her and stared hard at the picture. ‘That’s him? Jesus. I didn’t know he was Bugs Bunny’s understudy.’

‘Yeah, he really beat the shit out of puberty, huh?’ she chuckled darkly.

I handed her back the phone. ‘He really did.’

‘So you and him for real?’ She tossed the piece of melon from her cocktail towards an iguana basking on the deck.

‘Yeah. I like him a lot.’

‘He’s had a tough few years,’ she explained, shifting round to face me on her lounger, top boob teetering perilously out of her bikini; one hand behind her head revealing a line of dark bruises. ‘He was kicked out of the army, which hurt him a lot.’

‘He doesn’t talk much about that.’

‘It’s cos he’s ashamed. He regrets it big time. We all do. Fucking idiot.’

‘What happened?’

She reached back to pick a hibiscus flower dangling over us from a planter. ‘He beat up his buddy – the dude who slept with his wife.’

‘He’s married?’

‘Oh no, they finally divorced about a year ago. But it sent him into a spiral. We were worried we’d never get him back. Anyway, the asshole who slept with his wife happened to be his best friend and his lieutenant colonel.’

‘Oh. Shit.’

‘Raf beat up the guy pretty bad. Army kicked him straight back to San D. Cuntasaurus Rex left soon after. We were all glad to see the back of her.’

‘Where is she now?