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Back Daughter of Eden
Chapters (68)
  1. Title page
  2. Dedication
  3. Part I
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-one
  25. Twenty-two
  26. Twenty-three
  27. Twenty-four
  28. Twenty-five
  29. GAIA YOUNG. SUBJECTIVE IMPRESSIONS.MISSION DAY 20. 20:25 MT.
  30. Part II
  31. Twenty-six
  32. Twenty-seven
  33. Twenty-eight
  34. Twenty-nine
  35. Thirty
  36. Thirty-one
  37. Thirty-two
  38. Thirty-three
  39. Thirty-four
  40. Thirty-five
  41. Thirty-six
  42. Thirty-seven
  43. GAIA YOUNG. SUBJECTIVE IMPRESSIONS.MISSION DAY 22. 20:05 MT.
  44. Thirty-eight
  45. Thirty-nine
  46. Forty
  47. Forty-one
  48. GAIA YOUNG. SUBJECTIVE IMPRESSIONS.MISSION DAY 25. 15:30 MT.
  49. Forty-two
  50. Forty-three
  51. Forty-four
  52. Forty-five
  53. Forty-six
  54. Forty-seven
  55. Forty-eight
  56. Forty-nine
  57. Fifty
  58. Fifty-one
  59. Fifty-two
  60. Fifty-three
  61. Fifty-four
  62. Part III
  63. Fifty-five
  64. Fifty-six
  65. Fifty-seven
  66. Fifty-eight
  67. Also by Chris Beckett
  68. Copyright page

But no. I’d said the same thing to myself so many times as we travelled up and down the Davidfolk Ground, and there was nothing the slightest bit new about it this time. If it was Gela at all, it was Gela speaking to me as she spoke to all her children, not Gela speaking to me in the way that a shadowspeaker was supposed to hear her.

But now another thought came to me, one that I’d never had before. Perhaps I should pretend? Perhaps I should go back to Mary and tell her I heard Gela’s voice, tell her it was different this time, tell her I’ve finally understood?

Mary would be so so pleased with me! She would be happy happy! And then we could be shadowspeakers together!

I was so relieved that I actually began to stand up to go and do it, but almost straight away I saw how stupid I was being. Didn’t I feel bad enough already about the secrets between me and her? And they were just small secrets. Up to now I hadn’t been lying to Mary, I just hadn’t told her a couple of things about myself. Pretending to hear Gela would be different. That would be a huge lie, and once I’d told it I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’d have to pretend every waking. I’d have to cry and tremble in shows, as if Gela was speaking to me. I’d have to talk with Mary about the things that Gela said, and Gela’s plans for us, and what Gela wanted us to do next. (She’d said so often how much she looked forward to that.) And Mary would look at my face and think she could see me, but what she’d really be seeing would be like one of those little wooden people that they have in Veeklehouse: the ones that talk and dance and seem to be alive, but are really just being moved by someone hiding behind them, who pulls them about with strings and speaks their voices.

No, there was no other way. I’d have to go back to Mary a third time to tell her that yet again I’d heard nothing at all.

She didn’t hug me this time, or take hold of my hands.

‘Still nothing?’ she asked as she stood up to meet me.

‘I’m so sorry, Mary.’

For a little while she just stood there in front of me, her small grey eyes searching my face.

‘You always have to be better, don’t you, Angie?’ she finally said. ‘You always have to be better than me and better than everyone else.’

This was so unexpected that my mouth fell open with the sheer surprise of it.

‘Better? No, Mary, that’s not it! That’s not right at all! I don’t think I’m—’