It’s the greatest tool, the best advice and the only foolproof solution. It does not involve shaving or any drastic measures. It’s called ‘faking it’. Pretend you want it every night no matter how boring (and keep lubricant handy). Pretend everything is all right—even when he comes home smelling of someone else’s perfume.

I know I have pretended all this while. But perhaps not for much longer …

8

The Good, The Bad, The Rest

‘Polly, wake up. Polly—’

‘Hu—’

‘Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you but your phone is ringing. Your coffee’s on the bedside table,’ Sid says.

I take the buzzing phone from Sid’s hand. It’s on the silent-but-vibrating mode—and see Mita’s name flashing. It’s 7.30 a.m. on an off-work Saturday. Why is she calling me?

I gulp some coffee before speaking to Mita and realize it’s the first time Sid’s made coffee for me—that’s another first in the last two days!

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, hi Polly, a very good morning to you. How are you today?’ Mita asks breathlessly.

‘Hi Mita, good morning! You woke me up—as in, is everything all right?’

‘I’m sorry for waking you up Polly—but something has happened—I just called to tell you about your article,’ Mita says.

I feel a block of ice slide into my stomach—this isn’t how I like my mornings to start off.

‘Oh right Mita, just give me a minute,’ I say and reach for my coffee.

What a rotten coincidence. The one week I can’t get my hands on Tabloid is the week my first article appears in it. Since I couldn’t see the proofs yesterday, I’d put my phone on silent mode. I didn’t really want to know all the bad things people had to say about my article; especially not till I’d read the final version.

I’d filed my article on Tuesday and Comma had edited it by evening. While she usually makes us watch when she edits our articles—she says we learn by observing our mistakes—she had pointedly sent me away when she was editing my piece. And everyone knows Comma can really butcher a piece when it’s written by someone she doesn’t like.

I take another quick gulp of the coffee—I realize it’s rather strong—and speak to Mita.

‘All right, thanks for the call Mita, you were saying—’

‘Oh my god Polly the feedback to the article is amazing you know! I have to check the feedback emails and it’s just great,’ Mita says.

She tends to speak without punctuation when excited, which often makes it hard to understand her sentences. I do know though that it’s her job to go through emails with reader feedback. While most of us had been relieved not to do the boring job, Mita takes it very seriously.