I nod to him. I appreciate his concern but right now I need him to find a magic route to quickly take me home. I want to be home, I need to be home—I can’t bear to be stuck in a jam today.

As the traffic slowly creeps forward, I close my eyes. I instantly open them again—the incessant honking all around seems to magnify if I close my eyes. My head is a mass of pain.

I am a wreck by the time I reach home, hungry and hurting. All I want is a cool bath, a hot cup of tea and I want to hug Sid. I want him to put his hand on my belly when I tell him about the baby and I want him to tell me everything will be all right.

I need someone to tell me all will be all right—I need a friend because my friend Ragini—but why did she—

The front door opens and Sid stands there. I want to run to him, to throw my arms around him and tell him I love him. But I don’t, I only smile at him. Sid doesn’t smile back.

13

Confessions of a Dangerous Kind

My step falters at the expression on his face, it’s not happy. I stand on tiptoe to open the gate, Sid simply stands at the door and looks at me. In my nervousness I fumble with the gate latch and Sid suddenly springs into action.

‘I am sorry, I should be doing that,’ he says, opening the gate.

I smile at him again and walk into our small courtyard. I watch him as he shuts the gate and find my black mood lifting away. Sid’s not overly muscled but I love the way his back gets all taut when he reaches up for the gate latch. He’s the love of my life, my husband, the father of my baby.

Sid shuts the gate and faces me, momentarily, before he quickly looks away and hurries inside the house.

‘Did you want a cup of chai? Ma’s making some,’ Sid asks as he brushes past me.

‘Yes please, I would love a cup,’ I say, a little puzzled by Sid’s brusqueness.

I enter the house and see two suitcases—a big one and a smaller one—and Sid’s duffel bag sitting next to the dining table. I recognize the suitcases; they were one of the weddings presents we received. Sid’s pacing around the dining table.

I slowly walk up to the table and hang my handbag on one of the dining chairs. I glance at the suitcases and look towards Sid. He continues pacing.

Dragon comes out of the kitchen with a full tray—three cups of tea, some biscuits and some namkeen.

‘Hi Momji,’ I say and try to take the tray from her.