Now I was with my husband of twenty-five years who was about to walk away and leave me in the place I dreaded, alone with myself. I felt giddy; the wave of pain that would dump me on to the beach was getting closer and closer and I knew I couldn’t outrun it. My legs were twitching under the table as I struggled to keep my feet still on the floor. I ignored the list of lovely things to eat and ordered chips and a bottle of champagne, hoping it wasn’t going to be too dear when the bill came.

I had never sat across from him alone in a restaurant; it was difficult to avoid his icy stare. I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t feel that bringing up the detailed horror of the years with yards of red gingham between us was appropriate, but I had to say something, anything, before I froze to death!

–  Serena told me about poor Catherine and the little baby. I’m sorry. It must have been desperate.

–  First love always leaves its mark. First loss, too.

–  I’ll take your word for it. I think you could easily substitute it with chewing razor blades while someone was reversing over your head in a bus!

–  Ah! I take it your reunion with Joe Loughrey did not go well?

Of course he knew I would trail my sorry carcass back to Joe Loughrey, looking for forgiveness, when I finally had a chance to put my teenage heart to bed. I would never tell him how much that had cost me, how the disgrace rotted my guts.

I had to get back to my life at Johns Farm. Being away from the street and the sound of the river was making me homesick for myself, for the woman that I had become: the wife, the mother, maybe even the daughter I had always wanted to be. I had to get him to understand that I knew where I belonged.

–  Why did you do it?

–  Do what?

–  Marry me? You could have had anybody! What possessed you to pick me?

–  I knew you and I knew you had a rough road ahead. You had a smile that could break any heart. I latched on to that smile when I couldn’t see anything else. It was such a shock when I realised that I loved you. I never thought I’d feel like that again after Catherine. The loss of her and the baby was an open wound. I thought for a while it was just Serena but the truth is I fell for you the night she was born. When I came home and saw her in your arms I thought my heart would burst. You were lit up! You had no idea how exquisite you were – still are, for that matter, though you’ve always been blind to the fact and a thousand others.