He was silent for a moment. ‘No. Not sad. Until the beach hut thing, it was a great day that Nikki would have loved.’

He told me about his sunrise surf, his relaxing morning with his mum, spending the afternoon in the pub with Stevie and Rob, and then the awkwardness of the party, being paraded round a load of strangers.

‘Sounds horrendous,’ I said. ‘I wonder why they invited so many people, especially when you didn’t know any of them.’

He shrugged. ‘I think it got a bit out of control and they lost sight of the bigger picture. Do you know what I kept thinking the whole time I was there?’

‘I’m a neurologist, get me out of here?’

He laughed loudly. ‘Stevie, Rob and I talked a lot of gibberish in the pub yesterday, but we had some really good conversations too about our pasts and bad things that have happened. Steve pointed out that Nikki and the baby are dead and nothing’s going to bring them back, and I should stop acting like a part of me died with them. What I actually kept thinking about last night was how much I wished you were there with me.’

I raised my eyebrows at him, surprised at the suggestion. ‘I don’t think that would have been very appropriate.’

‘Who says? Where’s the rule book that dictates how long you have to grieve for and when it’s appropriate to introduce the woman you love to your friends and family?’

Oh. My. God! Had he just said he loved me?

My heart soared and I checked myself. It made no difference. It couldn’t. I still had to tell him what I’d planned to tell him. Was it possible to feel both elated and sick at the same time?

‘Did you hear what I said, Jem? I know I’ve screwed things up with us, telling you I cared then running away again. I keep doing that. Things get tough so I run away instead of facing them. Nikki would have been disgusted with me. We used to play this game called, “What would Thor do?” If we had a problem or a challenge, we’d ask that question. The idea, of course, was to come up with something crazily superhero-ish but there’d be some sensible suggestions in there too. In this case, Thor would have accepted that love and life can be snatched away in the blink of an eye and that, if we’re fortunate enough to find love again and an opportunity to live again, we should take it.’

‘What are you saying, Sam?’