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Back All You Need Is Love Save as PDF
Chapters (56)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. OCTOBER
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. Acknowledgments
  53. More from Jessica Redland
  54. About the Author
  55. Also by Jessica Redland
  56. About Boldwood Books

I sat in Mum’s car with the heating on full blast, tears dripping onto the steering wheel. It was over. It hadn’t even started and it was already over. He wasn’t ready after all, understandably so, yet I’d gone and taken that scary leap. He’d been so adamant it was what he wanted and, after that brief kiss on Mum’s doorstep, I hadn’t been able to deny that it was what I wanted too. I’d let my guard down and let him in and look where it had got me. Alone and heartbroken yet again. I should have stayed strong. I should have said no.

35

Sam

I sat in Thor for a while, with the heating on full pelt, trying and failing to take the chill off my bones. I hadn’t been aware of the cold for the couple of hours I’d been on the steps, but now I was. My hands were blue, my feet were numb and I couldn’t stop shivering.

Jemma must have texted Mum and Dad to say she’d found me because they were waiting on the doorstep as I pulled onto their street.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said as I got out.

Mum rushed forward shaking her head. ‘Explanations later, Sammy. I’ve run you a bath.’ She grabbed my arm and ushered me inside where the central heating blanketed me. ‘I know you prefer showers but I think you’ll need the heat. You must be frozen.’

‘I am. There’s something I need to tell you, though.’

‘Whatever it is, it can wait. You need to warm up. Then we can talk.’

She’d been right about the bath. As my skin turned from blue to pink, I felt life seep back into me. I sank under the bubbles. Jesus! What had I been thinking of? Why hadn’t I told anyone? It was always going to come back and bite me on the arse in spectacular style.

Instead of spending the past year grieving for Nikki and our baby, I’d spent the time grieving only for Nikki and now I needed to come to terms with the second life that had been lost that day. As I’d said to Jemma, I hadn’t blanked it out or anything like that; I’d just refused to dwell on it. Why? Maybe the pain of losing Nikki was so acute that I couldn’t cope with the loss of my son or daughter too.

There’d been moments, like on the beach in Kent with Jack on what would have been our wedding day, and last Sunday on the beach with Jemma. On both those occasions, it was as though I’d lifted the lid of that box and peeked inside, then snapped it shut again. What a mess. And so it begins again…