into

screams

screams

screams

into some turbulent vortex

spinning, rising

higher and higher,

until she just

stops.

In that moment,

I think she might somehow

evaporate,

a woman

all gone.

I didn’t think

that she would worry.

I’ve been left to myself

so much.

She slowly turns

one leg at a time,

her frame bent,

the glass still vibrating.

I wasn’t sure if I should go, Mom.

I won’t go again.

No,            she says, suddenly calm.

Her eyes are murky, exhausted.

I’m so sorry, Mom.

I won’t go again, who cares

about this bar mitzvah anyway!

It’s just something Dad wanted.

I try my best

to be on her side,

even though I do care.

I would cry, she says,

but I have nothing left.

She puts her hand on my shoulder.

Her face quivering,

That wasn’t meant for you,

my big man, she says.

Go see the rabbi.

This bar mitzvah

is important for all of us.

She looks me in the eyes.

I think of a million questions.

I don’t ask any of them.

Then she pulls me into her.

You know I love you, she says.

I do know.

You’re growing up so much. Her sobs turn into a laugh.

I guess it’s time to get you your own phone.

She puts her hands on my middle.

You are getting skinny! She coughs,

still crying off and on.

I have to get some sleep.

She walks toward her bedroom.

Oh. She turns, calming down a bit.

Sunday, I think.

Sunday we can go back to the beach.

Calling Lisa

I call Lisa

to let her know

that Sunday we get to go back!

She doesn’t answer,

and there is no voice mail.

I wish I could text her,

but whatever’s

going on, I hope she’s okay,

all the way over on the other side

of the Golden Gate Bridge.

I tell my mom

to call her mom,

but she doesn’t answer either.

Maybe, she says, we can stop

by on our way.

Gretchen

I look for some graph paper

so I can finally work

on our game a little bit,

but I find Gretchen’s number

in my backpack, pushed

between the jacket fold

of Mysterious World.

I dial the number.

Hello? she answers in her scratchy,

freckled voice. Hello?

Hello, I say. This is Ari, um, Lisa’s friend?

I am so nervous.

I know who you are, she says.

She laughs immediately,

like my voice is the voice

she’s been waiting for all morning.

I feel my body sit straighter,

my mind ease. We talk,

and it’s good.

I can’t stop talking.

I tell her about things

I did in these few days I’ve been here.

I tell her truth mixed with untruths.

I tell her about how my dad left.

Oh my god, she says. I’m so sorry.

I tell her other things.