I didn’t feel like a man at all.

I felt                                     cruel.

The first kid flew

over his handlebars,

his arms tucked under him,

his shoulders

sudden and forward,

his face, pale, ageless,

skidded across the concrete

from knee, to shoulder, to head,

his own blood pooling

around his hands,

one leg up, turned

toward the sky.

Legs and bikes

and long hair

and smashed dragonfly wings.

Kids.

Not enemies,

not friends.

Kids

who made mistakes,

who could not turn

one bloody cheek for another.

I don’t want to go through that again.

There has to be a different way

to stand up for myself,

to take responsibility,

to be a man.

How to Appear Less Fat

According to my mom’s fashion magazine

One)

Shoulders back and up,

butt directly under,

chin turned down,

head slightly forward

to avoid double chin.

Arch lower back slightly.

This will cause the stomach to elongate

just enough to avoid

“rolling.”

This will also ease tension on

any button, belt, or zipper

or any combination of these.

Breathe shallow,

short and through the nose,

mouth closed and grave.

Smiles are for later.

Be sure that the lower back

does not touch the back of the chair.

Avoid any chance of indentation,

unless when sitting in the back

of the room,

then slouching is okay.

Nobody is watching you.

Nobody is thinking of this.

But you are.

You are.

Two)

An exercise to get rid of

a double chin.

An extra chin

lives with me.

It’s part of my neck

and my head

and it won’t go away.

Sometimes I imagine

my headaches

come from the weight

pulling my head down

all day.

Twice a day,

I lean my head back

whenever I can

stretch the skin

from chest to chin.

I lift it up

elongate and count to ten,

twice a day.

This will work

if I stay with it.

Elevate, Arise, Walk Home

Baruch a ta Adonai

El-u hey … arggghh!

I get it wrong every time,

and I cry a little

from frustration.

Did you practice?

the rabbi asks.

Yeesss! I lie.

The rabbi sits patiently

in his overstuffed chair.

He drones the blessings

back to me. We start again.

His office smells like honey

and pipe tobacco and books.

He shines at me from beneath

the one lamp that he allows.

I want to break out of here,

but I like him, even though

he is tough. Again, Ari.

Elevate. What? You don’t

want to make your parents proud?

I do.

But what I really want

is to jump on my bike,

ride through Chrissy Field

all the way to Fort Point

and the Golden Gate.

I want to feel my legs

burn from riding.

I want a Three Musketeers.

Here, he says,

let’s record today.

And he fumbles

with an old tape recorder,

hits Record and Play

at the same time.

In a few months,

I will receive my aliyah,

being called to the Torah.