and then she smacks

her shoulder into mine,

and I do it back.

She asks,

So what would Thall

and Elysium do right now?

I tell her they would most likely

take over this defenseless town.

She agrees and pulls

an air sword from her side.

Onward, she says.

When we get to the beach,

her sword shimmers red

in the sunset,

and our feet dig into the sand.

My heart is beating faster,

and Lisa can feel it.

Are you okay? she asks.

Sorry, I say.

You always say sorry.

You know you don’t have to be.

I’m the one who should be sorry.

I should be a better friend.

Something Takes Over

I think about what

I just went through,

the night on the mountain,

the wet, the cold, the elk, the pond.

Then something happens,

like electricity

through the beach that

turns the sand to glass

and shatters into

some strange courage

somewhere between myself

and who I want to be.

It’s time, I think.

I need to tell her.

What Happens Next

Lisa, I think I love you.

She looks at me.

No, you don’t, she says.

She holds both my hands,

stays quiet for a long time.

You think you do, she says.

You love me

because I love you.

You are like my brother.

My only real friend.

Because you’re one of the only people

I’ve ever known who loves me for more than this.

She lets go and steps back,

waves her hand over her body.

For a while, we stare at the ocean,

watch the waves break into the sand.

She cries a little, softly.

You and your mom,

you love me no matter what,

like I’m a real person.

You let me be a kid.

The world sees me one way,

ever since I was little,

I had to be like a grown-up,

looking after my mom,

dealing with all of her boyfriends.

She pauses, crosses her arms,

looks toward the ocean

into some memory,

then she starts again.

You guys see me for who I am.

I love you, Ari,

because even though

you didn’t hear from me,

you expected me to be here,

like a friend should be.

I want to believe her,

but the words pour out anyway.

Is it because I’m too big?

She shakes her head.

It never mattered to me

what you look like.

I care about you,

and I’m proud of you.

You’re trying be healthy,

trying to be a better you.

She smiles at me,

like she’s desperate

for me to understand.

You think you’re mad at me for kissing that boy—

Why did you? I interrupt.

It’s not about you, Ari.

She raises her voice

like she’s talking out

into the universe,

past me and everything else.

I’m so sorry, Ari.

I didn’t think about how

it might hurt you.

That kiss was nothing.