Chapters (173)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- Before Summer
- Who Am I?
- Why Are You So Fat?
- Moving
- Since Leaving New York
- Rabbi’s Office
- Grown-Up Talk
- School over the Bridge
- I Will Fight You
- First Friend
- Dolan Avenue House
- The First Time I Meet Lisa
- Pencil Space
- Shadow Father
- Her Hands
- Marzipan Potato
- What Happened on the Bike Path
- Manhood
- How to Appear Less Fat
- Elevate, Arise, Walk Home
- June
- Clothes Like Spider-Man
- Who Am I?
- The Nursery
- Inside
- Digging in the Dirt
- Trolls
- Sunday Drive
- A Talk in the Car
- Fat at the Beach
- The Game
- Pizza
- When You Are Fat …
- Something Finally Happened
- Doctor
- Apartment Doctor
- Another Kind of Doctor
- Broken Promise
- The Answer?
- We Need to Get Lisa
- On Our Way
- Twenty-Three Steps
- Silly
- A Tour
- Breakfast
- Before the Opening
- The Opening
- Night in the Nursery
- Before Picture
- Level 1 Induction
- The Kid Who Draws at the Beach
- Loch Ness Monster
- Ketosis
- There Is a Space
- How Many Pounds?
- Studio Days
- Shore Break
- Jorge
- Sometimes My Father Comes
- Shopping
- Maps
- See You July Fourth
- The Walk
- Elysium at the Beach
- Jorge’s House
- Saint George
- 10 Pounds
- Mitzvot
- My Father Comes
- July
- Promises
- Then He Left
- July Fourth
- Bigfoot Versus Yeti
- Pick
- She Doesn’t See It
- Long, Good Days
- Baby Huey
- Robots
- cO-lec-tOrs
- Two Champagne Bottles
- After Champagne
- Closing the Gallery
- Lisa’s House
- Fight the Corn Chip
- Gretchen
- Glow-in-the-Dark Stars
- A Different Kind of Morning
- Across the Golden Gate
- Level 2: Ongoing Weight Loss
- Old Photo
- Stuck in the City
- Sardines
- Atari
- No Eyes on Me
- Grandma’s Letter
- What If?
- Middle of Level 2
- Indiscretion
- Post-its
- The Visit
- When I Get Home
- The Truth
- Calling Lisa
- Gretchen
- August
- Level 3
- Mysterious World
- 31
- The Heaviest Water Is My Father
- Calling My Father
- I Pack
- A Date
- Missed
- The House Call
- Finally
- Homecoming
- Settling (Back) In
- Giant Salamander
- The Surprise
- Not Dealing
- Only Child
- Boogie Boarding
- A Drive
- Plans
- The Mothers Talk
- Tools for the Journey
- Not Telling
- Packing List
- Fog Storm
- Up the Trail
- Outdoor Conversations
- Campsite
- Roasted Hot Dogs
- Crush
- Prayers
- Visitors
- Hypothermia
- Things That Exist
- Mikveh
- Resting Place
- The Way Back
- End of Summer
- The Return
- The Painting
- Sorry
- Something Takes Over
- What Happens Next
- The Kiss
- That Part, Right Before Falling Asleep
- Quiet
- The Revolution Inside
- The Game?
- The Bruise Is Gone
- New Beginning
- One More Hike
- After Picture
- A Last Look
- Dropping Lisa Off
- After Summer
- Gretchen
- Tallit
- First Day of School
- Friends No Matter What
- The Phone Call
- Home
- Acknowledgments
- Praise for All of Me
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
She tells me that she likes vintage music,
just like we do.
Do you like glam rock bands
from the eighties? she says.
She tells me about Quiet Riot,
and how the names of the songs
are spelled in ways we shouldn’t know about.
She sings to me, and she somehow gets me singing.
Come on feel the noise!
Girls, rock your boys!
She stops in the middle,
makes sure that I am headbanging.
Lisa, in and out of the room,
doodling pastels on giant paper,
laughs and headbangs with me.
Later, Gretchen tells me I have a cute voice,
that we should get along,
no matter what we look like.
Glow-in-the-Dark Stars
Beneath glow-in-the-dark stars
we listen to Duran Duran.
I stare at Lisa’s shelves:
a stuffed cat
with some of the whiskers
pulled out,
blue-and yellow-
painted frames filled
with old photographs
of people I don’t know.
My favorite is one
of Lisa when
she was little,
standing on a dock
over a green pond,
fishing with her dad, I think.
On the dresser
is a jewelry box
swirled with necklaces
and plastic bracelets,
trinkets spread over
the top onto the floor.
One side of her room
is a picture window
covered in a rain forest curtain.
I stare at the eyeball of a tapir
peering out from
the mudbank.
I put my sleeping bag down.
Is your mom really gonna
let me sleep in here? I ask.
Yeah, Lisa says, she doesn’t care.
We all sleep
in the planting room together,
don’t we? Besides—she smiles—
I want you to see the stars.
Finally, near her door,
a vintage three-section concert poster
of Joe Elliott, the lead singer of Def Leppard,
in leather pants
and a Union Jack tank top.
In one frame,
he is leaning into the crowd.
In another he is standing,
playing air guitar with the band,
and, in the lower half, his face,
cradling the mic.
He isn’t skinny in the poster,
but the crowd is still reaching
for him. He looks fierce. Unstoppable.
We spread out pencils and markers,
draw pictures.
She draws more pictures of Elysium,
the warrior queen, standing in the sun
on some high cliff.
Lisa is learning about perspective,
so she draws legs almost three-dimensionally,
stepping over a rise of green grass.
I draw my warrior, Thall, a hunter,
standing in the snow, his muscled arms
leaning on his spear
carved from a dragon’s tooth.
He looks out toward the valley beyond.
He is waiting for something.
I want him to be a true hero,
imagine how he might be a part
of Elysium’s kingdom
now that she is queen.
Lisa slides our drawings together,
holds them up beneath her desk lamp.
She pulls some tape from
the desk, sticks them to the wall.
She steps back
to look at the pictures,
puts her arm around my
shoulders. I feel the heavy,
perfect weight of her strong arm,