It seemed there was no end to what was on, openings and fringe festivals and comedy in the International Bar. Jerome couldn’t have given her that much. I knew that it was unhealthy to talk about past relationships and I tried to act as if her personal history didn’t matter to me, but it did.

I revelled in the very notion of our togetherness. I tried not to focus on the past. What mattered was the future. I was careful around her. Jerome had become too possessive over time, Jenny didn’t want that from me and I assured her that I wouldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let my own insecurity get to me. I thought about love and realized that you cannot make somebody love you, you cannot make somebody need you, it has to come from them, they have to want to love you, they have to want to need you.

But I could lead her in the right direction. I could, for example, imply that she wouldn’t be in such a favourable place without me. I could plant a seed of doubt in her mind, I could entrap her. Then I could chip at her. Chip tiny fragments of her away, the way she tapped wood with her chisel, the determination on her face.

22. Chicken Fillet Roll

June 2017

I hear a humming. I look up and see a small aircraft in the sky. It hangs low and then magically careens overhead and performs a somersault, a silver darting in the sky. I am a child again mesmerized, this is what awe feels like.

Does it hurt here, Joey? I press one hand under Joey’s small foot and I hold the ankle with my other hand. The ankle bone seems tender because he winces when I rub it.

Can I get a chicken fillet roll from the Centra when we get home? Joey asks me.

I’ll think about it, I say.