Tomek works behind the counter. From Poland, he’s a large and pleasant type and I’m forever trying to gauge what age he is. I’ve asked him before, but he won’t tell me, and I feel as though he is deliberately misunderstanding my question. I’m not sure exactly what this information will do for me. Perhaps it may serve to ground him. Right now he is the tall Polish man, working in the local shop. I’m curious to know his reasons for choosing to come to Ireland. Was it a search for a life of security and optimism? I wonder about his family, his house, a dog, a favourite scarf, a favourite brother, a favourite food. I have heard that they eat pretty gruesome stuff in Poland, you’d have to be made of steel to even contemplate one of their so-called delicacies.

I nod to Tomek and head to the fridge to choose rashers. I opt for streaky maple cured, even though I know that I will either overcook them and the rinds will be a blackened mess, or I will undercook them, and they will be too chewy and I will feel the bacon bristles on my lips as I try to make light of the situation.

Tomek often speaks to me of Killiney beach, he likes to walk there. We exchange stories about the people who frequent it and Tomek says that it reminds him of Poland. I buy rashers and croissants and we bid each other goodbye until the next weekend. I feel slightly guilty as I make my way back to the house after telling Tomek that I have always wanted to go to Poland. I have no major desire to go to Poland, I don’t know why I said it.

12. Some Place Special

October 1995

My special place. A place that would become in time a haven for us – the way Dun Laoghaire prom is for old people, as they walk to and fro, connecting with the same ground, over and over. I wanted a magical location for us – a place that would evoke in us a special feeling, always. I chose Killiney beach. I suppose it was sentimental.

Even though I knew it had ended badly with Jerome, somehow I needed the specifics. Jenny was reluctant to talk about it and she implied that I was abnormal because I wanted this information.

I said it is a fact that stagnant water carries mosquitoes on its surface.