Martin Coyle splits the boys into groups for a game. As I’m watching Mikey and Joey being handed bright yellow vests, Maurice tells me about the snake that was found up a tree the week before in the village and he assures me that it wasn’t dangerous. He also tells me that a group of local women have got together to reclaim the streets, to send a message to the guy hanging about the DART station scaring women that they will not be threatened. Maurice is convinced that the women are drawing unnecessary attention to themselves and that this may not be a good thing.

I look over to Maeve and I imagine her being attacked and I picture her running away from someone with the stature of Maurice and then I shudder because I shouldn’t allow myself to think of Maurice in this light. And Maeve, despite her fitness for her age, cannot get away from him. And I start to believe once more in the notion of the wrong time and the wrong place.

The trials go on for another hour and on the way home in the car I try to tell the kids the story about the snake. No one is listening.

42. Proposal

June 2003

I had a job interview with a company that sold life assurance. The manager, Graham O’Neill, sat across a veneer table from me. He asked me a series of questions, including where I saw myself in five years. It was preposterous but I went along with it anyway. How would I feel about working in an open-plan environment? I was used to that set-up, coming from the magazine, I assured him. If I had worked out a way to play Tetris when I should have been closing in on sponsorship, I could manage anything. I got the job – a middle management position telling people they are going to die.

I would have agreed to anything because I had an exquisite plan for Jenny that night. I knew well where I saw myself in five years, with my darling Jenny and with children tugging on the cuffs of my shirt. All the way through the interview I only had thoughts for my plan.

I landed the job. I could finally give up the Crown. Jenny wouldn’t have to worry about anything. We could travel to splendid cities. She would create great art. We would have blessed children. She would be all mine. I had secured a vintage engagement ring for her weeks before. The look of it was so Jenny.