Jenny mentioned casually that she had arranged to meet Angela for dinner, later on. I was thrown a bit by this as I’d more or less assumed that we would be doing something together. I asked her where they were planning to meet and she was quite vague about the precise location but mentioned Dame Street.

I fingered the sand. I held up a dark grey stone and ran my thumb over it, smoothing it, polishing it. I licked the stone, enjoying its saltiness, and then I watched as it dried – quickly with the afternoon sun and my breath exhalations. All the time her eyes. A vacancy there that I hadn’t noticed before. It is difficult to notice a vacancy, like noticing nothing. I thought about how this was a double negative. I was drawn to noticing such things in the magazine submissions and there was a lot of that carry-on, people trying to appear cleverer than they actually were.

I said it was grand that she was meeting Angela, but things felt a long way away from being grand and I tried not to show it. I stabbed at an empty can of Tuborg that was lying on a lump of excrement that I hadn’t noticed before, and I cursed all dog owners and addicts because it wasn’t entirely clear if it was dog shit or human shit. I looked up at the cliff face. The wild valerian, Centranthus ruber, was beginning to come into bloom. Pinks, cool whites, deep crimson. I was looking forward to the appearance of the clumps of ragwort, Senecio cineraria, that were a real sign of high summer.

But I had taken quite a bit of trouble over a picnic. News of her plan for later on wasn’t washing well with me. I had bought decent ham from the deli off Camden Street and I had chosen the bread carefully – it was nutty with caraway seeds. I had bought paprika Kettle chips too. I had splurged on two bottles of lychee fruit-flavoured sparkling water that I had spotted in the Asia Market. All for nothing.

A feeling overcame me, call it an inward sense. It wasn’t a new emotion and I felt the natural inclination to quell it. Before I’d even met Jenny I’d had a longing that I carried around with me, unthwarted and unrealized. But it was there on the stones searching for an absolute understanding about the vast bay that I came to the realization, I was going to have to watch myself.

Jenny unpicked her red comb and let her long hair swing down loosely. It was silky and in beautiful condition. Her fringe made her seem more girlish and young.

When she remarked casually that she needed a bit more freedom from me, I was taken aback, I couldn’t see exactly how it was I was impeding her freedom. I had told her to go meet her friend.