Mikey and Joey start at me. I tell them to get warmed up and that I’ll join them once I have a cup of tea. I pour some milky-sugared tea from yet another thermos and sit back. I often think that there is something wonderful about eating out in the open. Things seem more exciting than they actually are, apart maybe from the congealed pasta shells. I don’t like to put pressure on myself to relax because in a way I feel that this defeats the purpose of relaxation as a concept but at times I don’t have a choice. There are two things that are really bothering me, one is this drink business with Jerome and the other is the fact that the skirting boards in the kitchen back home are manky dirty. I realize that Jenny can meet whoever she likes but I don’t have to be happy about it. Jenny as if seeing dark thunder in my eyes tells me that while I’m playing football with the boys, herself and Maeve are going to take a walk by the lake.

I watch them set off and as if nature knows what Jenny intends the April sunlight bravely appears, bringing a whole different outlook to the valley. It feels more like a place of hope and even though I’m not particularly fond of Americans I’m glad for them that they won’t be subjected to an afternoon of rain. I know in my heart that Jenny prefers to take these little walks of hers alone. They are for her a chance to smoke without me looking on with disgust. Her filthy habit. Sometimes she tells me that she’ll give them up but generally her intonation isn’t right and I know that she’s lying. That’s another thing that I suppose bothers me, if she can lie about smoking she can lie about her feelings for Jerome. I am getting carried away and I know it. I know it in my bones, the way my heart starts to race and I try to keep away from these negative thoughts. I think of how I have read that red is the colour of depression and that for some depression is really a fear of losing love. I am not depressed.